Overheard in Pittsburgh

Under the Bridges near 279 North, North Side.
A Just Ducky tour drives past the Warhol Museum:

Tour Guide: Alright, everybody! Get your cameras ready! This is the most exciting and amazing thing you’ll see in all of Pittsburgh: the underside of 279! Amazing!
Kid in Back: You suck!

SportsWorks, Carnegie Science Center. North Shore. Tuesday Afternoon.
Two boys and two girls from a school group, all around seven years old, are sitting on a bench:

Boy #1: Eeeeeewwwwww!!! You have to sit next to two blondes!
Boy #2: So?
Boy #1: Blondes are disgusting!!

Near the Garden Theater, North Side.
A couple is walking past the porno theater, which the Urban Redevelopment Authority has taken over:

Girl: “Closing the Garden” should become new slang for masturbation.

— Overheard by Grace, in total agreement

Bru Lounge, North Shore. 9:30 Saturday Night.
A group of late-20s beer-and-wing guys are out with their girlfriends:

White Girl: Have you met his parents yet?
Indian Girl: Yeah. He introduced me as his “Durka Durka” — you know, like terrorists? And now that’s what his parents call me.
Boyfriend: Yeah, but we mean it in a funny way. And I mean, you did sign my Dad’s birthday card “Durka” afterward.
Indian Girl: [giggling] It’s just so funny: Like how typical white boy from Ohio can you get? And dating a foreigner!
Boyfriend: Oh, c’mon. I’ll make it up you. I’ll like… hug you… or open your car door or something.
Indian Girl: Yeah, he did offer to mail my dad a bag of Lay’s potato chips.

Section 104, Heinz Field. 3rd Quarter of a Steelers Game:

Drunk Guy: How many periods are in football?
Yinzer: Well, first off, this is football, not hockey. That’s why these are the Steelers and not the Pens.
Drunk Hunter: That’s why I like baseball games: With three periods, they’re not as long as football.

Front Row, 50-Yard Line, Heinz Field:

Guy on Cell Phone: Yeah, Dad. You here yet?
— Yeah, we’re right on the 53 yard line.

— Overheard by Amber

Men’s restroom of the new North Shore parking garage. Before the Backyard Brawl:

Elderly Pitt fan: [pointing at the sinks] Why is there a line? We have three open urinals! [Points to WVU fan in line.] Wait, make that four!

— Overheard by Neal

Heinz Field. Pitt / WVU Backyard Brawl Halftime.
The Pitt marching band and majorettes are on the field:

Disgruntled WVU Fan: YOUR FLAG GIRLS SUCK!

— Overheard by coreyw

Riverfront Park by Carnegie Science Center, North Shore:

Girl: DON’T FALL INTO THE RIVER! YOU’LL GET HEPATITIS B!
Guy: I HAVE THAT!
Girl: I KNOW!

— Overheard by jaye

Heinz Field Exit Ramp, North Side. After a loss to the Patriots:

Creamsicle* #1: I’m writing to Big Ben and Joey Porter tomorrow to tell them they’re a bunch of assholes.
Creamsicle #2: I know!

— Overheard by McArdle

* Overheard in Pittsburgh TrendWatch: Agent McArdle informs us that a “Creamsicle” is a “girl who is tanned to the point that her skin is orange, and bleached to the point that her hair is cream-colored.”