Overheard in Pittsburgh

Food Pavilion, Three Rivers Arts Festival, Downtown.
Two gay men looking at Italian sausages make eyes at each other and smile:

Gay Man #1: They look gooooood .

Gay Man #2: They look like santorum makers.

Crowded Shuttle from the Gulf Tower to the Boardwalk Parking Lot in the Strip:

30-Something Woman #1: Yeah, so my sister set me up with this guy, and we’ve been dating for awhile, and he’s totally great, but he just told me last week that he doesn’t want to have kids.
30-Something Woman #2: Oh my god! That’s terrible. I know how much you want to have kids.
Woman #1: Yeah, and the weird thing is that when my sister set us up, she told me that he broke up with his last girlfriend because she didn’t want to have kids.
Woman #2: That’s so weird.
Woman #1: Well I think I taught him a lesson: The other night we were going to see a movie, and he called and suggested that we go see Shrek the Third or Ocean’s 13 because he knew that I really wanted to see those. I knew that he hadn’t seen the first two Shreks or Ocean’s 11 or 12 though, so I suggested that we go see Pirates of the Carribean 3 instead because I knew he really wanted to see that. I hadn’t seen the first two Pirates movies, but a girl at work told me you don’t have to see the first two to enjoy the third. So we went to see Pirates 3, and afterward, he said to me, “Thank you so much for going to see Pirates. I really wanted to see it, and I know that you didn’t see the first two.” So I said, “Well, you know, realationships are about compromise, on big and small things.”
So now I think he might think a little bit more about having kids.

— Overheard by Ben

Forbes Ave near Market Square, Downtown:

60-Something Male Flower Vendor: Hey, do you have a girlfriend?
College Guy: No.
Flower Vendor: …Do you have a boyfriend?
College Guy: Are you asking?
[...]
Flower Vendor: …No.

— Overheard by Connor 

Liberty-Smithfield Garage, Downtown. Palm Sunday Morning.
Two boys, fresh out of Palm Sunday services with Palm branches, swat one another with the palms:

Mother: Young men, those are not swords!
Boy #1: Swords!
Boy #2: We’re not men! We’re women!

— Overheard by AlwaysReporting

Men’s Locker Room, YMCA, Downtown:

Businessman: Have a good workout.
Elderly Man: Yeah, I’ll go flap my arms like a chicken.
— Overheard by AlwaysReporting

Women’s Restroom, Hilton Hotel, Downtown. During an Insurance Convention:

Middle-Aged Woman #1: Wait, you can’t go in there; that’s the handicapped stall.
Middle-Aged Woman #2: Honey, we’re all handicapped in our own way.

— Overheard by Rorge

Docherty Talent Agency, Downtown.
A CoolDude™ actor is casually bragging to other auditioners about living in Los Angeles:

Actor: Yeah, it’s tough living out there, man. You gotta be a real self-advocate, a real self-promoter, you know? And you gotta surround yourself with smart people who know what they’re doing. They’re going to use you, but they’ll be honest with you. Everyone uses you out there, but at least you’ll know.

— Overheard by Beach Head

CVS, Wood St, Downtown
A flamboyant male college student and his female friend are loitering just inside the entrance:

Flamboyant Guy: Uh-uh. That cashier gave me a ‘tude.
Girl: What? Oh, because of your gift card?
Flamboyant Guy: Yeah, I was like, “Shoot, just because you’re 40 and working at CVS don’t mean ya gotta take it out on the attractive people — like me.”

Benedum Theater. Late in the interminable second act of Light in the Piazza:

Woman in the Second Tier: JUST GET MARRIED ALREADY!
[The audience murmurs assent.]

— Overheard by zph

Bus Stop, 5th / Market, Downtown. Evening.
An old, crazy homeless man wanders down the street, mumbling to himself, until he grabs a guy by the arm and speaks louder:

Crazy Homeless Man: Pittsburgh’s lost it, man, it’s lost it’s CLASS. Steelers ain’t got no cheerleaders, ain’t got no class. Pittsburgh’s an asshole. A fucked asshole. No cheerleaders. No class.

[Crazy Homeless Man resumes walking and mumbling.]

— Overheard by Megan