Bloomfield

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Mon 2 Jul 2007

Just What Wendy Was Hoping to Hear

Brillobox, Bloomfield:

Drunk Man: McKees Rocks… It’s economically depressed.
Girl: Yeah, and emotionally depressed too.
Drunk Man: [excitedly: Yeah! You know it! [less excitedly] You’re Jewish, aren’t you?
Girl: How can you tell?
Drunk Man: Your demeanor. My ex-girlfriend was Jewish. Sometimes I miss her.

Fri 15 Jun 2007

Even wishes made at the grease wishing well cost fifty cents.

Cash Register, Ritters, Bloomfield:

Customer: [being silly] Are these toothpicks free?
Waitress: Yeah, right. Nothing in this place is free. [thinks for a moment] The air, maybe. You’d be lucky to get that free.

Wed 21 Feb 2007

Is There Another Way To Get Through A Day Of Working At Wendy’s?

Wendy’s, Bloomfield:

Manager: Hey, I need that double cheese now.
Employee: I… this one?
Manager: No, this is the bacon… did you make this twice?
Employee: I guess….
Manager: Alright, just make that other one now.
[Manager goes back to customer]
Manager: [looking back] Oh, and, do me a favor: next time someone passes you that blunt… put it back, a’ight?

— Overheard by Kevin

Tue 12 Dec 2006

For the Man Who Has Everything

Office Building, Baum Boulevard, Bloomfield:

Co-Worker: Oh, yeah, we’re going to the Cricket to get Christmas lap dances.

— Overheard by Wendy D.

Mon 20 Nov 2006

“Uh, I’ll have to go get the sensei for that.”

Starbucks™, Liberty & Baum, Bloomfield.
A UPMC Shadyside Nurse with a list orders $30-worth of Frappuccinos™:

Nurse: …and I’ll have a large tai chi latte.

— Overheard by Wendy (the barista)

Wed 1 Nov 2006

How do you know when your child is too smart for her own good?

Howley St., Bloomfield. Halloween night.
A woman dressed as a Witch hands candy out to a group of children at her door, including a little girl in a bathrobe, messy makeup, and curlers:

Witch: What are you dressed as?
Little Girl: “Depression.”

Wed 13 Sep 2006

P.T. Barnum never taught women how to size a bra.

Carnegie Library, Bloomfield.
Two librarians are reading a book about circus elephants to a group of 3rd graders:

Librarian: [points at elephants on page] Can anyone tell me what the “Greatest Show on Earth” is?
Girl: Oprah.

- Overheard by Anonymous Librarian

Wed 6 Sep 2006

Mexicans won’t drink the water at the Taco Bell on Baum.

Near the Taco Bell, Baum Blvd, Bloomfield.
About a Block away from the Hospital in which the Mayor Died Five Days Before:

Guy: Oh, man.
Girl: What?
Guy: That sign says “WE LOVE U MAYOR BOB”.
Girl: I’d be offended if I died and that Taco Bell put a sign up about me.
Guy: You’d be offended? But you’d be dead.
Girl: It’s a really shitty Taco Bell.

Mon 28 Aug 2006

“I’ll have the chipped chopped unagi.”

Habachi Table, Young Bin Kwan Restaurant Korean Restaurant, Bloomfield:

Yinzer #1: You think they got ice cream here?
Yinzer #2: What do you think this is, Isaly’s?

— Overheard by McArdle

Mon 3 Oct 2005

Polar Opposites, Equally Annoying

Crosswalk at Liberty & Main, Bloomfield.
A Dread’ed CollegeHippie™ Bicyclist barrels down the Main Street sidewalk, sideswiping pedestrians. A small SUV signals and enters the crosswalk just as bicyclist turns into the same crosswalk without signaling. The SUV slams on its brakes as the bicyclist swerves and kicks the grill of SUV:

SUV driver: You’re supposed to ride on the street! look where you’re going!
Bicyclist: Fuck you, SUV asshole!

 — Overheard by bwzimmerman