Overheard in Pittsburgh

Fifth Ave Near Tower C, Oakland:
College Guy and College Girl are walking, his arm around her. A Drunk Black Man walks up to them:

Drunk Man: You better hold onto her.
College Guy: I will.
Drunk Man: I ain’t never had a white woman. I’ve had my kind, but no Chinese, neither. You better hang onto her.
College Guy: Yessir.

Outside the Cathedral of Learning, Pitt Campus.
An expensively dressed college girl in enormous high-heeled boots talks loudly on her cell phone:

Fancy Girl: [extremely concerned] I swear, every time I wear high heels, my teeth hurt. I really don’t know what’s wrong with me.

— Overheard by Tom VanBuren

Near the Elevators, Ground Floor, Hillman Library.
A Cool Guy walks around the hallway talking on his cell phone:

Cool Guy: [calmly] Are we okay, or do we need to break up?  Because if you want to break up then I am fine with that.

Pitt Shuttle. Friday Afternoon:

Ditzy Freshman Girl: Omigod, that would be such a good pick-up line: “Hey, I’m dying in two days, wanna have some fun?”
— Overheard by Bethany

Conference Room, Pitt Campus.
About 10 women discuss hiring a consultant:

Lady: What if we pay someone now and they work in 2008, 2009, 3000?

Second-Year Japanese Class, Benedum Hall, Pitt Campus:

Professor: Sometimes I lie — just to keep you on your toes.

— Overheard by m.j.

Outside the William Pitt Union, Pitt Campus. A very chilly day.
A College Girl in flip-flops, jeans, and a teeshirt talks on her cell phone.

College Girl: I am SO cold right now!

— Overheard by Katrina

William Pitt Union, Pitt Campus.
An fashionable, attractive brunette, sits on a couch, talking on her cellphone:

Girl: So would you, like, be mad at me if I considered majoring in philosophy?
— [(in strained voice] Why?

— Overheard by (lc)

Philosophy Class, Cathedral of Learning, Pitt Campus.
Two Students discuss a female student in a different class:

Student #1: She’s old — like, old old.
Student #2: Old old?
Student #1: Like, older than our parents old.
Student #2: Ah, grandma old.
Student #1: Like, in between— like, in-between parents old and grandma old.

— Overheard by Dan

Elevator, Litchfield Tower C, Pitt Campus. After Midnight.
A forlorn, disheveled Student talks to his less-disheveled friend:

Student #1: Ugh.
Student #2: What?
Student #1: Stephen Colbert just directed his Nerd Army to attack Wikipedia again.
Student #2: What, really? He’s still doing stuff like that?
Student #1: Yeah, I don’t know; I guess telling his mindless drones to fuck up their school’s dictionaries wasn’t hilarious enough.
Student #2: Didn’t he used to make fun of guys like that? Is he making fun of his fans, or what? I mean, what’s his point?
Student #1: Yeah; I used to think that stuff was funny, but now it’s just kind of weird and sad. I’m kind of ready for him to be over now.
Student #2: Yeah.

— Overheard by I used to think he was funny too

Editor’s Note: I have loved Stephen Colbert’s work for a long time — Exit 57, Strangers with Candy, the Daily Show, and his current series — but I think this stuff’s a little done, too. At what point did Colbert stop merely mimicking the charismatic leaders of cult-like movements and actually become one? When does the cost of the joke exceed the payoff? I really wish Colbert would stop with the Rocky-Horror-Picture-Show-audience-participation biz would stop so I can feel OK about liking his series again. — Chris