Overheard in Pittsburgh

Eddie’s Cafe, Litchfield Towers, Pitt Campus.
Two College Guys are waiting in the check-out line:

Guy #1: What are those birds that fucking talk?
Guy #2: Parrots?
Guy #1: No, that’s what my teacher said. [thinks] Ravens! That’s right.
Guy #2: Ravens talk? That’s like Edgar Allen Poe shit or something.
Guy #1: No, dude, they for real only say, like, one word ,though.

[...]

Guy #2: [imitating a raven] “Aquafina!?”
Guy #1: Yeah, dude! “Aquafina!” Only I’d make mine say, “Radiator.”

— Overheard by Joshua

Jennie King Mellon Library, Chatham College.
The girl behind the desk is blatantly checking Facebook:

Blonde Patron: Excuse me, um, can I get a book?
Girl at Desk: Nope, fresh out.

[Girl at Desk turns back to Facebook and types.]

— Overheard by sexylibrarian

Hamburg Hall, CMU:

CMU Student #1: She’s such a great friend!
CMU Student #2: Yeah, well, she thinks she is. Sometimes I just feel like she’s trying to bribe me.
CMU Student #1: Yeah, but do you know she got me for my birthday?

— Overheard by Iceberg

Sociology of Family, Frick Arts Lecture Hall, Pitt:

Professor: Think about it: You’re all bisexual. Now before you go home telling your parents your professor said Jesus was a homosexual and you’re bisexual think about this: Men have nipples!
— Overheard by Elyse

Upper Level Chemistry Class, Eberly Hall, Pitt.
Professor writes a complicated equation on the board:

Professor: I don’t know what all these Greek letters are called, so I’m just going to call this “our funny function.”

— Overheard by chem nerd

Carnegie Mellon Bookstore, CMU Campus. Afternoon.
A stoner walks up to the counter to make his purchase. The salesperson is wearing a button that says “TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!”:

Stoner: Hey, is today really your birthday?
Salesperson: No, I just found this button on the counter.
Stoner: Well then, FUCK YOU! You dirty liar!
Salesperson: Um, OK. Thanks.

Engineering and Science Library, Carnegie Mellon University.
A male librarian walks in covered in snow:

Male Librarian: We should turn off the lights and be done with this stupid city.

Computer Lab, Carnegie Mellon.
A girl has just finished a loud cell phone conversation:

Guy: So what’s [Student Health Services] say?
Girl: Apparently, “if you’re not willing to skip class to make an appointment, then you must not really be sick.”

— Overheard by Ka-CHANG

Overheard in Pittsburgh FunFact™: Carnegie Mellon’s Student Health Services hates you.

Morewood Gardens Dorm, CMU Campus:

Girl: [to another girl] I said that I was dating a guy, but I never said that I was straight.

— Overheard by SW

Nature of Language (Linguistics 101) Class, Carnegie Mellon.
The professor is attempting to show the difference between British English and American English, specifically that the British drop their Rs in certain places:

Professor: Could everyone try to be British and say this word: “Beers”.
Class: Be-as! Be-as!
Loud Girl in Back: IT’S PRONOUNCED “STOUT”!

— Overheard by Connor