Overheard in Pittsburgh

The Underground, Carnegie Mellon University.
Three pre-college students, two boys and one girl, are playing pool:

Boy #1: And if your ball is close, you can blow it in.
Boy #2: Yeah, but you can only blow it once.
Boy #1: No, she can blow her ball as many times as she wants.

— Overheard by I’m just trying to write a research paper

Principles of Economics Class, Doherty Lecture Hall, CMU.
Lottery numbers for all the students are listed on either side of the room, A to L on the left, M to Z on the right:

Student #1: [yells to student entering room] YO CORNBREAD! YOU’RE ON THE LEFT!!
Student #2: Wait. What are you talking about? His last name is Roberts.
Student #1: Oh right! I was thinking that his last name was Bread from calling him Cornbread.

Maggie Murph Cafe, Hunt Library, CMU.
Two female college students with ditzy intonation are conversing and drinking
coffee:

Student #1: I, like, totally hate the concept of piñatas. Like, “Um, here’s a little colored animal! Let’s beat it with a stick!” Like, “Here’s a little donkey with pizazz! Let’s knock the crap out of it!” You know?

Students #1 and #2: [excessive giggling]

— Overheard by ivan seismic

CMU Textbook Store. Mid-Afternoon.
Two 40-something women — one white, the other black — are shopping for office supplies:

White Lady: Do you have any more of these eight-tab dividers?
Clerk: No, we don’t have any more of the colored ones, but we have the plain white ones.
White Lady: No, she wouldn’t like that at all. She’d be so mad if we mixed the colored ones and white ones.
[...]
White Lady: [turns to black co-worker] No offense…

Hamburg Hall, CMU:

CMU Student #1: She’s such a great friend!
CMU Student #2: Yeah, well, she thinks she is. Sometimes I just feel like she’s trying to bribe me.
CMU Student #1: Yeah, but do you know she got me for my birthday?

— Overheard by Iceberg

Carnegie Mellon Bookstore, CMU Campus. Afternoon.
A stoner walks up to the counter to make his purchase. The salesperson is wearing a button that says “TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!”:

Stoner: Hey, is today really your birthday?
Salesperson: No, I just found this button on the counter.
Stoner: Well then, FUCK YOU! You dirty liar!
Salesperson: Um, OK. Thanks.

Engineering and Science Library, Carnegie Mellon University.
A male librarian walks in covered in snow:

Male Librarian: We should turn off the lights and be done with this stupid city.

Computer Lab, Carnegie Mellon.
A girl has just finished a loud cell phone conversation:

Guy: So what’s [Student Health Services] say?
Girl: Apparently, “if you’re not willing to skip class to make an appointment, then you must not really be sick.”

— Overheard by Ka-CHANG

Overheard in Pittsburgh FunFact™: Carnegie Mellon’s Student Health Services hates you.

Morewood Gardens Dorm, CMU Campus:

Girl: [to another girl] I said that I was dating a guy, but I never said that I was straight.

— Overheard by SW

Nature of Language (Linguistics 101) Class, Carnegie Mellon.
The professor is attempting to show the difference between British English and American English, specifically that the British drop their Rs in certain places:

Professor: Could everyone try to be British and say this word: “Beers”.
Class: Be-as! Be-as!
Loud Girl in Back: IT’S PRONOUNCED “STOUT”!

— Overheard by Connor