Overheard in Pittsburgh

The Underground, Carnegie Mellon University.
Three pre-college students, two boys and one girl, are playing pool:

Boy #1: And if your ball is close, you can blow it in.
Boy #2: Yeah, but you can only blow it once.
Boy #1: No, she can blow her ball as many times as she wants.

— Overheard by I’m just trying to write a research paper

Fifth Avenue, near Litchfield Towers, Pitt Campus. Mid-Afternoon.
Two middle-school-aged boys hang outside the window of a bus that is stuck in traffic to yell at two petite girls who have just left Towers:

Boys: Ya’ll know ya’ll don’t go to Pitt! LITTLE GIRLS!

Starbucks, Duquesne University.
Two female college students are standing near the windows:
College Girl #1: My eye is really itchy all of a sudden. I hope I’m not getting pink eye.
College Girl #2: Happy New Years!
College Girl #1: What?!
College Girl #2: Oh my God. My brain isn’t working anymore. I need a break.

— Overheard by Student Extraordinaire

Campus Shuttle, University of Pittsburgh. Friday night.
The shuttle is full of loud, drunken college students:

Frat Boy: FACEBOOK ‘ER ‘N SHIT!

— Overheard by MLo

Principles of Economics Class, Doherty Lecture Hall, CMU.
Lottery numbers for all the students are listed on either side of the room, A to L on the left, M to Z on the right:

Student #1: [yells to student entering room] YO CORNBREAD! YOU’RE ON THE LEFT!!
Student #2: Wait. What are you talking about? His last name is Roberts.
Student #1: Oh right! I was thinking that his last name was Bread from calling him Cornbread.

Intro to Psychology Class, David Lawrence Hall, Pitt.
The professor asks for a volunteer to see if strangers can estimate someone’s personality based on their appearance. A 6’5″, 270-pound football player steps to the front:

Professor: So, what do you think this guy is like?
Student: He’s outgoing?
Professor: Are you outgoing?
Football Player: [unenthusiastically] Yeh.
[Discussion continues...]
Voice from the Back: He likes cake?
Professor: Um… do you like cake?
Football Player: Yeh.

Maggie Murph Cafe, Hunt Library, CMU.
Two female college students with ditzy intonation are conversing and drinking
coffee:

Student #1: I, like, totally hate the concept of piñatas. Like, “Um, here’s a little colored animal! Let’s beat it with a stick!” Like, “Here’s a little donkey with pizazz! Let’s knock the crap out of it!” You know?

Students #1 and #2: [excessive giggling]

— Overheard by ivan seismic

Pitt Shuttle Stop, Top of Cardiac Hill, Oakland. Friday Night.
A drunk girl descends from the shuttle:

Drunk Girl: Um… yeah, hold on… my phone is in Spanish right now.

— Overheard by MLo

CMU Textbook Store. Mid-Afternoon.
Two 40-something women — one white, the other black — are shopping for office supplies:

White Lady: Do you have any more of these eight-tab dividers?
Clerk: No, we don’t have any more of the colored ones, but we have the plain white ones.
White Lady: No, she wouldn’t like that at all. She’d be so mad if we mixed the colored ones and white ones.
[...]
White Lady: [turns to black co-worker] No offense…

6th Floor Animation Lab, Art Institute:
Male Art Student: I need my blue pencil. I draw better with my blue pencil. It’s sexy.

— Overheard by Rotzi