Archive for March 2008
Monday, March 31st, 2008
Drug PSA: It might be more responsible not to take an upper, but don’t be such a fucking downer.
Meyran Ave, Oakland. Night.
Lights are being flicked on and off in an apartment:
Girl in Apartment: Come rave with me!
[Laughter can be heard from another apartment, across the street.]
Guy in Apartment: Shit, there’s people out there! [Quickly shuts the curtains.]
— Overheard by Carol
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Thursday, March 27th, 2008
A Story About Wanting To Do It
Litchfield Towers Lobby, Pitt Campus:
Guy: So if you could have anyone sing a song about your life, who would it be?
Girl: I think it would have to be Justin Timberlake — not just because he’s a good singer, but he can really tell a story with his music.
— Overheard by Julia
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Wednesday, March 26th, 2008
And Then: The Explosion.
Outside a bar, Ambridge. Evening.
A father is standing with his six-year-old son.
Child: [pointing at his father and running away into the Sunoco parking lot] STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER!
Father: You get back here! That’s stranger danger over there!
— Overheard by Rachel and Dommy
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Monday, March 24th, 2008
Chutzpah in action.
61C Outbound, Forbes / Wightman. The bus is packed:
Old Jewish Woman: Bus Driver, open the back door!
Bus Driver: Sorry, ma’am, back door’s broken.
Old Jewish Woman: All right you jews, part the waters! You’ve done it before, you can do it again.
[Everyone complies.]
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Friday, March 21st, 2008
A mother knows when her baby’s lungs are too pink.
61B Inbound near CMU, Oakland. Saturday afternoon.
A woman in her late 50s is chattering to her daughter about how excited she’ll be to have another grandchild and how she hopes it’s a boy:
Daughter: Ma, gimme a cigarette.
Mother: I don’t have any.
Daughter: Yes, you do, I know you do.
Mother: Honey, your baby don’t need no nicotine.
Daughter: I’m his momma, I know what he needs!
Random Stranger: How ’bout givin’ me a cigarette? I ain’t pregnant.
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Thursday, March 13th, 2008
You can see the connection if you think about it.
GetGo, S. 18th St, South Side.
Two of the three cashiers on duty — all women in their 40s-50s — are discussing the hot dogs:
Cashier #1: Whatta yinz want me a do wid ese ones?
Cashier #2: Throw em aht, ey’re yucky.
Cashier #1: What?
Cashier #2: Ey’re YUCKY! YUCKY!!!
A minute later, Cashiers #1 and#3 have a long conversation about the lingering smell in the restroom.
— Overheard by Stephanie
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Tuesday, March 11th, 2008
Not So Undercover
Men’s Room, Lobby, Marriott, Downtown. After a Fire Evacuation:
Black Man #1: [at urinal, sounds like Eddie Griffin] Shit. She called from Tampa with that shit.
Black Man #2: [at another urinal] Yeah.
Black Man #1: I told her that shit work both ways.
Black Man #2: Yeah.
Black Man #1: Shit.
White Man: [in handicapped stall] Is that Eddie Griffin?
Black Man #2: Yeah.
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Friday, March 7th, 2008
Bad experience with a croissanwich.
GetGo, Wilkinsburg.
Two men are discussing problems with a grocery bagger:
Man #1: I told him to put the bread on TOP. It’s just common sense. I don’t want no CURVED sandwich.
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Wednesday, March 5th, 2008
Brenda forgot to set her monologue to “inner” that morning.
61F Inbound , Craig St. , Oakland.
A woman in her 40s gets on the bus, which is very crowded:
Woman: WATCH OUT, I’m movin’ to the back!
[Woman starts forcefully shoving people to get to the back of the bus, muttering all the way]
—Damn people must like to be squished like sardines. I can’t believe this. Idiots. Always crowd the front of the bus. People should learn to move to the back.
[Woman gets to back of bus, and starts shouting at the people in the front]
—Yinz should come back here, it’s nice and empty! There’s a seat too! Start moving back, people! Come on!
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Monday, March 3rd, 2008
A needle in a needlestack
941 Saloon, Liberty Ave., Downtown.
A Bartender is discussing why no one has spotted Seth Rogen even though he’s in town filming the new Kevin Smith movie:
Bartender: Well, they’re filming in Squirrel Hill. Someone sees Seth Rogen and they don’t think anything of it. It’s just like, “Hey! Big jew!”
— Overheard by Bellum