Overheard in Pittsburgh

Outside Eat n’ Park, Squirrel Hill.
Three waitresses are smoking. One is clearly young and new:

Old White Waitress: Yeah, so there’s this group of old white women comes in every week, only tips when their server is black.
Old Black Waitress: Yeah, if you ain’t black, they ain’t giving you shit. But they give me all kinds of tips.
New White waitress: What do you mean, “all kinds?”
Old White Waitress: A whole forty acre’s worth!

— Overheard by Connor

Kay-Bee Toy Store, Monroeville Mall. Busy Friday Night:

Meathead #1: If you take steroids once, you’ll fill out a little and notice a small difference.
Meathead #2: Yeah?
Meathead #1: Yeah, but if you really want it to work then you gotta take the ‘roids like EVERY DAY!

— Overheard by Justin

Starbucks, Murray Avenue, Squirrel Hill:

Young Woman: [on cell phone] Are you still having your potluck on Sunday?
—Yeah, I want to come. I’m just really busy. Friday night is Brittany’s party, and then Saturday I have a wedding and a birthday and it’s Festivus.

South Side Works, South Side. Santarchy 2007.
A father is carrying his young son:

Father: Yes, Jimmy, Santa smokes but you shouldn’t

— Overheard by Why are we working on Saturday?

Ross Park Mall:

Santa: Merry Christmas! Ho ho ho! What do you want for Christmas?
Small Boy: A motorcycle.
Santa: Well, do you know what motorcycles are good for?
[Small Boy shakes his head]
Santa: Buyin’ and sellin’, kid. Buyin’ and sellin’.

Forbes Ave, Oakland. Friday Night.:

Well-Dressed Boy: I’m going to go melt me some slutsicles.

GetGo, North Oakland:

Black Cashier: You would?
White Cashier: Yeah, I would. I’d be a millionaire.
Black Cashier: Yeah, you’d be a millionaire, but you’d be gay.
White Cashier: No, I would have done something gay to become a millionaire.
[to customer] You do not want to know what this is about.
Black Cashier: [to customer] No, you do not.

Outside Carnegie Library, Oakland:

College Dude: [to friend] We need to stop talking about sluts so much.
 — Overheard by Sophie

Bus Stop, Forbes / Murray, Squirrel Hill:

Man: [to woman] Man! Port Authority got what? A hundred and twenty routes every day? And they go, what? Ten miles at most on each route? And they waste three hundred thousand dollars on gas everyday, and YET, not a single soul is picked up because their buses are too damned packed.

Lobby, Bellefield Hall Dorm, Pitt Campus:

College Guy: [to girl] You don’t get sadism then. Because if he dies — if the guy
you’re torturing dies — then there isn’t any fun in it.