Overheard in Pittsburgh

Merry Christmas to everyone out there in TV Land. Overheard in Pittsburgh will return New Year’s Day.

Hurray!

Target, Waterfront.
A small child picks up a Scooby-Doo DVD:

Mother: Put that back. Maybe Santa will buy it for you.
Small Child: [showing her the DVD] But look! It has a… MONKEY!
Mother: OK, but put it back. Santa  might get that for you. If Santa finds out you bought that, it will hurt his feelings.

Colangelo’s, Strip District. Lunchtime.
A drunk guy has overheard three old guys talking about tricking people out of money:

Drunk Guy: [laughing] Yeah, my grandfather was an alcoholic, and we used to send him to the bar with ten dollars. He’d come back with twenty-five bucks and he’d be completely smashed!
Old Guy: Did you learn any of his tricks?
Drunk Guy: [burps] You bet I did!

— Overheard by Smokey

Outside Wholey’s Fish Market, Strip District:

Mom: [to young daughter in exhausted tone]: We. Are. Having. A. Party. For. Jesus. On. Christmas!

— Overheard by Megan

Target, Waterfront: 

Mom: Stop running around the store. Hold my hand or someone will steal you. Do you want someone to steal you?

Silky’s, Bloomfield:

Dude: Unless you see it in 3-D, that Beowulf movie is just Shrek with tits.

— Overheard by pudhaus.

Bus Stop near Planned Parenthood, Liberty Ave, Downtown.
A girl is talking on her cell phone about her clinic visit and the people outside:

Girl on Cell: Yeah, so in the Christmas spirit, I didn’t spit in their faces today. I was proud of myself.

— Overheard by Amused

Classroom, Cathedral of Learning, Pitt.
A test is being taken:

Sweater Set Girl: It’s game time! Too bad I hate sports…

Hunt Library, Carnegie Mellon University:

College Girl: [to guy] And then you fucked a bagel?!

— Overheard by trying to get that mental image out of my head so I can study again

South Side Works, South Side. Santarchy 2007:

Mrs. Claus: [to Drag Queen Santa] You should come to the fetish ball.
— Overheard by Why are we working on Saturday?