Archive for October 2007
Tuesday, October 9th, 2007
It’s just too easy. Make your own joke.
Side Street off of Liberty Ave, Bloomfield. Friday Night.
Two 50-something women are talking in front of a house:
Woman #1: This is nice an’ skinny. I like ‘em thick.
Woman #2: Me too.
Woman #1: Well, it’s OK. It’s nothin’ to brag about.
— Overheard by bookgrrl.
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Tuesday, October 9th, 2007
You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.
Bus Stop, Forbes / Bellefield.
A pissed-off guy in his 30s sees the third full bus in a row:
Grumpy Dude: Oh SHIIIT! [A fourth bus goes by.] It’s fuckin’ five o’clock!
[Grumpy Dude boards a bus and heads to the back row and puts his leg up, taking three seats. As the bus fills up near CMU, a student goes toward the seat where Grumpy Dude’s foot is. Grumpy Dude angrily jumps up and stands for the rest of the trip, despite the vacancy of one or two seats directly behind him.]
Grumpy Dude: I can’t stand this! […] These damn buses always fill up! […] This is freakin’ ridiculous!
[Passengers exchange uncomfortable looks until the Grumpy Dude finally gets off at Murray Avenue.]
— Overheard by Zyzzy
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Monday, October 8th, 2007
Good News and Bad News: You’re most like Hiro Nakamura, and you’re pregnant.
61B Inbound near CMU. Saturday Afternoon.
Two high-school students are discussing their classes:
Girl: I, like, totally HATE this one course I’m taking right now.
Boy: Why’s that?
Girl: Well, it doesn’t have any tests. I love taking tests. It’s so much fun to take them and then get them back and see what I got.
I, like, totally HATE this one course I’m taking right now.Why’s that?Well, it doesn’t have any tests. I taking tests. It’s so much fun to take them and then get them back and see what I got.
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Monday, October 8th, 2007
“A big difference is that post office customers aren’t handed a form when they get scalded.”
Starbucks, Forbes / Shady, Squirrel Hill:
Barrista: [to another] I hope this is the last time I have to tell you this: We are NOT the Post Office.
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Friday, October 5th, 2007
Do you still believe in the Estonia Ferry?
Outside Carnegie Library, Forbes Ave., Oakland:
Young Man: So, my friend and I were on a ferry to Estonia — Hey, how many stories start out like that?
Young Woman: All of your stories start that way, honey.
Young Man: I guess you’re right. Well, that was an eventful trip — and it was only for a day!
— Overheard by Racing Against a Late Fee
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Friday, October 5th, 2007
Instant Boner’s Gonna Get You
Andrew Bird Concert, Carnegie Music Hall, Oakland:
Girl: [talking to friends] The sexiest smell in the world is a man’s sweat. If I smell a sweaty guy, I get an instant boner.
— Overheard by If they don’t start the A/C, it’s going to be a long night
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Thursday, October 4th, 2007
“Things just can’t be that complex.”
Outbound Bus Stop, Forbes / Morewood, Oakland:
Female Student: [to co-worker] I don’t understand our boss. When I talk to him I definitely get the pothead vibe… and the Republican vibe.
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Thursday, October 4th, 2007
The preferred term is “moorish.”
Checkout Counter, Bookstore, Point Park University:
Black Checkout Girl: Whoah, are you really related to Ben Roethlisberger?
Large White Guy: Yeah, the spelling is just a little different. My grandfather explained the story to me once.
[Man rambles on about Ellis Island or something, which captivates the cashier .]
Black Checkout Girl: Wow, that is really neat. Yeah, my last name is Montague. Like Romeo and Juliet. Except, you know, I’m black.
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Thursday, October 4th, 2007
“Or better yet, a bizarre combination of the three.”
Administration Office, Carnegie Mellon:
Male Employee: Hey, could you go get me twenty first class stamps. Not the American Flag ones, though: Get me something artsy and colorful, like Martin Luther King, Iguanas, or Wyoming.
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Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007
Man, I hate getting old belly.
Cathedral Cafe, Cathedral of Learning.
It’s noon, so the place is crowded to capacity:
Middle-Aged Woman: Hold on, bitch! I gotta get some pop! This water’s making my stomach age, and I’m all bloated. Just wait, bitch!