Overheard in Pittsburgh

Bank, East Liberty.
Two young guys discuss rescuing a drowning person:

Young Guy #1: [to friend]: “I can’t swim, I can’t swim.” Just kick your legs, man.
Young Guy #2: I’d just break your neck. Just break your legs and then you wouldn’t be any trouble. The I could just grab you and swim to safety.

Duquesne Incline, Mount Washington:

College Kid on Cell Phone: My side really, really hurts.  I can hardly breathe.  It’s right where my ribs are on the left side.
— You know, remember how I told you that you had lesbian foot from those Birkenstocks?  Maybe I have lesbian rib.
— I don’t know what caused it.  Maybe it was from wearing flannel.

Administration Office, Carnegie Mellon University:

Man on Phone: I don’t know if I’ve ever been… inspired by furniture — except when it inspires me to take a nap.

Smithfield / Sixth, Downtown

Thug: [to another] You smell like a mushroom wit a onion on top, motherfucker.
— Overheard by Liz

4th Avenue Grill, Coraopolis.
[A small dog walks into the doorway of the bar during happy hour.]

Barfly #1: Where did that dog come from?
Barfly #2: I don’t know, but thats a lot of dick for a little dog

— Overheard by Steve

Near the Shopping Carts, Giant Eagle, South Side.
A man and a woman lean against the shopping carts, talking like old friends:

Woman: [elated] So you GOT MARRIED, CONGRATULATIONS!
Man: [fumbling his hands together] Well, yeah, I got married… technically.

— Overheard by Aaron Smith

Pitt / UConn Game, Heinz Field. Directly after Half-Time:

Pitt Kid #1: So the quote of the night was definitely “Kick Him In the Tits!” I want to submit it to Overheard.
Pitt Kid #2: Seriously?! “Kick Him in the Tits!?” Who said that?
Pitt Kid #1: Some guy back there. [points over his shoulder] It’s the best quote of the day.
[A trashed freshman girl spins around in her seat, facing stadium entrance.]

Trashed Freshman Girl: SLUTFACE!!!
Pitt Kid #1: Nope, that was it, right there.

— Overheard by Joel and Zack

61C Inbound, Craig St., Oakland:

Driver: Yeah, so I just ended up going around the construction as best I could.
Dispatch: Sounds good. Just make sure you don’t hit any people.
Driver: Only animals, ma’am. Only animals.

— Overheard by Connor

In Front of Margaret Morrison, Carnegie Mellon:

Ugly Guy #1: Yeah man, she was really hot.
Ugly Guy #2: Wait, Carnegie Mellon hot, or actual hot? Because there’s a big difference.

— Overheard by CMU Hottie

Economics Class, Posner Hall, Carnegie Mellon University

Young Professor: Another time you won’t have indifference curves tangent to the budget line is when you have kinky preferences.

— Overheard by Kelly