Archive for August 2007
Thursday, August 23rd, 2007
It’s so hot and muggy I thought I was, too.
Private Library, Law Firm, Downtown:
Cataloguer: I think I just started menopause.
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Wednesday, August 22nd, 2007
Sing Like Nobody’s Listening
Bus Stop, Negley / Coral, Friendship.
A young Chinese man in shirt and tie is pacing and bellowing a song in a strong accent, disturbing the people around him. A young white man, similarly attired, approaches:
White Guy: Excuse me, but what are you singing?
Chinese Guy: [nervously taking out headphones] What?
White Guy: I don’t know if you realized how loudly you were singing, but I was curious what the song was.
Chinese Guy: [trying to put a phrase together in English] I… [points at pocket] Radio…
White Guy: Oh… OK. Thanks… [White Dude turns the corner and takes off running up Coral St.]
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Tuesday, August 21st, 2007
Who says Dad can’t get the kids to take a nap?
Office Building, Downtown.
Employee: OK
— OK, how many did you take already?
— OK.
— OK, is your mom around?
— OK, OK.
— OK, take two.
— OK.
— OK, take two.
— OK.
— OK, take two and make sure you drink lots of water. If you don’t drink water, it won’t get into your system.
— OK, take two. I love you. See you soon.
[Employee hangs up and resumes typing.]
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Tuesday, August 21st, 2007
Little Piggies
Women’s Locker Room, CMU University Center. Mid-Afternoon.
Two women in their mid-20s are talking about their summer vacations:
Woman #1: So, I put my pictures online, and the photo album that was viewed the most was the “little toe” album.
Woman #2: Well, you know, people have all those gross foot fetishes.
Woman #1: I was just trying to be artistic with my photography and now I have all these creeps looking at my feet.
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Monday, August 20th, 2007
Hockey games are so much better on Xbox 360.*
Office, Craig Hall, Oakland.
The loud voices of several employees carry down a hall:
Woman: Isn’t it great? Touch his mullet!
— Overheard by Whose mullet?
*Until it breaks, that is.
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Monday, August 20th, 2007
That’s what happens when you don’t skip a dose.
Entrance, Dave & Buster’s, Waterfront. Shortly after Midnight:
Boyfriend: I had a really good night.
Girlfriend: [appraising him happily] Yes, you did.
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Monday, August 20th, 2007
On a Hippy’s T-Shirt
King’s Restaurant, Waterworks
Older Woman: [to friend] Well, I was thinking Tibet, but Tibet’s not in Asia… Where is Tibet?
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Friday, August 17th, 2007
She has the same deductive skills as Slylock Fox.
Medical Supply Store, Southwest Greensburg.
A 40-something biker woman picks up a picture frame from the employee’s workspace:
Biker Woman: [to Biker Man] This picture was taken at my wedding; you know how I know?
Biker Man: Diet Mountain Dew?
Biker Woman: [nods] Diet Mountain Dew AND a white belt.
Biker Woman: [to employee] This picture is from my wedding!
Employee: That picture is from my Aunt Kimmy’s picnic.
— Overheard by Come Again?
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Friday, August 17th, 2007
We must strengthen the East Liberty / Shadyside Border Patrol!
Aisle, Giant Eagle Marketplace, Shadyside:
Black Woman: [edging past old white woman] Excuse me.
Old White Woman: [to young white female shopper] I don’t know why they let these people out of that ‘hood.
— Overheard by WTF?
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Friday, August 17th, 2007
“It’s not really a secret.”
Administrative Office, Carnegie Mellon.
Female Employee: [looking through filing cabinet] Oh my god. I’m an idiot. I’m a fucking moron.
[Male employee nearby looks up.]
Female Employee: Don’t… uh… don’t let anyone know.