Overheard in Pittsburgh

Post-Gazette Stand, Fifth Ave, Oakland.
Two old men are waiting for students to sign up for daily delivery of the paper:

Old Man #1: Yeah, so I got an advertisement in my mail yesterday for this new sex pill I was thinking about trying.
Old Man #2: So are you really going to try it?
Old Man #1: [looking around] With all of these college girls around, I really don’t think I need the help.

61C Inbound, near Craig St., Oakland:

Driver: Yeah, so I just ended up going around the construction as best I could.
Dispatcher: Sounds good Driver, just make sure you don’t hit any people.
Driver: Only animals, mam. Only animals.

In front of the Information Sciences Building, Pitt Campus:

Guy: [on phone] Well, she may be married, but I can always say I got her on her back! [laughs heartily]

Forbes Ave, Oakland.
A group of college students are walking down the street. One guy is carrying a girl on his back.
 
Girl: Isn’t she heavy?
Guy: Nah, she reminds me of my bookbag…..nice and loose

Fall Fantasy Parade, Kennywood Park.
Serra Catholic’s marching band has just gone by:
 
Girl #1: Well, they looked rather miserable.
Girl #2: They’re Catholic; they don’t smile.

500 Outbound, Downtown.
A man in a wheelchair has waited for the other passengers to get on the bus when the bus driver begins to pull the bus away. The man in the wheelchair waves his hands to get her to stop.

Bus Driver: [to man in wheelchair] Well, don’t just sit there!

Dave and Andy’s, Oakland.
A little girl tries her ice cream:

Little Girl: Oh, man!  This ice cream is invested with cookies!

Subway, Center Avenue, Shadyside.
A college-aged male customer is being waited on when a white 50-something couple
walks in with their eight-year-old Asian granddaughter, who begins to order without regard for her place in line.:

Grandmother: OK, honey, give the man a chance.
Sandwich Artist: Let me finish with this gentleman first.
Girl: [looking at the male customer] Can I just call him an asshole?
Customer: No. No, you can’t fucking call me an asshole!

Walgreens, East Liberty. Midnight.
A customer is buying coaxial cable extenders: 

Clerk: Do you want me to put this in a bag?
Customer: No, that’s alright.
Clerk: I keep waiting for someone to tell me to triple bag one of these.

Checkout Line, Target, Waterfront:
Female Customer: [to Cashier] All of these things are for my brother in the Navy in Iraq.
Cashier: [incredulous] Oh my God, are you going over there to visit him?
Female Customer: Uh, no. He’s in a war zone. This’ll be sent to him in the mail as a care package.
Cashier: I was going to say! It’s so hot over there! I wouldn’t want to go there!