Archive for August 2007
Friday, August 31st, 2007
Extra! Extra! Creepy pervert wants to sign you up for 39 weeks of the P-G!
Post-Gazette Stand, Fifth Ave, Oakland.
Two old men are waiting for students to sign up for daily delivery of the paper:
Old Man #1: Yeah, so I got an advertisement in my mail yesterday for this new sex pill I was thinking about trying.
Old Man #2: So are you really going to try it?
Old Man #1: [looking around] With all of these college girls around, I really don’t think I need the help.
No Comments » - Tags: Uncategorized
Thursday, August 30th, 2007
A man’s gotta have standards.
61C Inbound, near Craig St., Oakland:
Driver: Yeah, so I just ended up going around the construction as best I could.
Dispatcher: Sounds good Driver, just make sure you don’t hit any people.
Driver: Only animals, mam. Only animals.
1 Comment » - Tags: Uncategorized
Thursday, August 30th, 2007
Well, now you’ve perverted a perfectly wholesome paintball outing.
In front of the Information Sciences Building, Pitt Campus:
Guy: [on phone] Well, she may be married, but I can always say I got her on her back! [laughs heartily]
2 Comments » - Tags: Uncategorized
Wednesday, August 29th, 2007
She Ain’t Heavy, She’s My Brother
Forbes Ave, Oakland.
A group of college students are walking down the street. One guy is carrying a girl on his back.
Girl: Isn’t she heavy?
Guy: Nah, she reminds me of my bookbag…..nice and loose
No Comments » - Tags: Uncategorized
Wednesday, August 29th, 2007
“Under the direction of Director Drew DeCarlo: The Thundering Despair!”
Fall Fantasy Parade, Kennywood Park.
Serra Catholic’s marching band has just gone by:
Girl #1: Well, they looked rather miserable.
Girl #2: They’re Catholic; they don’t smile.
No Comments » - Tags: Uncategorized
Monday, August 27th, 2007
Wheelchair-bound people should really get up off their asses once in a while.
500 Outbound, Downtown.
A man in a wheelchair has waited for the other passengers to get on the bus when the bus driver begins to pull the bus away. The man in the wheelchair waves his hands to get her to stop.
Bus Driver: [to man in wheelchair] Well, don’t just sit there!
No Comments » - Tags: Uncategorized
Monday, August 27th, 2007
Really? Let me try a little dividend.
Dave and Andy’s, Oakland.
A little girl tries her ice cream:
Little Girl: Oh, man! This ice cream is invested with cookies!
No Comments » - Tags: Uncategorized
Friday, August 24th, 2007
“At least say please.”
Subway, Center Avenue, Shadyside.
A college-aged male customer is being waited on when a white 50-something couple
walks in with their eight-year-old Asian granddaughter, who begins to order without regard for her place in line.:
Grandmother: OK, honey, give the man a chance.
Sandwich Artist: Let me finish with this gentleman first.
Girl: [looking at the male customer] Can I just call him an asshole?
Customer: No. No, you can’t fucking call me an asshole!
No Comments » - Tags: Uncategorized
Friday, August 24th, 2007
One can only dream.
Walgreens, East Liberty. Midnight.
A customer is buying coaxial cable extenders:
Clerk: Do you want me to put this in a bag?
Customer: No, that’s alright.
Clerk: I keep waiting for someone to tell me to triple bag one of these.
No Comments » - Tags: Uncategorized
Thursday, August 23rd, 2007
Target’s bullet-proof armor is designed by Isaac Mizrahi.
Checkout Line, Target, Waterfront:
Female Customer: [to Cashier] All of these things are for my brother in the Navy in Iraq.
Cashier: [incredulous] Oh my God, are you going over there to visit him?
Female Customer: Uh, no. He’s in a war zone. This’ll be sent to him in the mail as a care package.
Cashier: I was going to say! It’s so hot over there! I wouldn’t want to go there!
— Overheard by Mara