Archive for July 2007
Monday, July 9th, 2007
Safety Goggles in Particular
Panther Hollow Inn, Oakland:
Guy #1: Yeah she was beautiful to you because you had permanent goggles on.
Guy #2: Ya know, if you’re gonna wear goggles, there should be beer involved.
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Monday, July 9th, 2007
Boys Don’t Cry
Fairmount St, Friendship. Friday, 12:30 a.m.
The Shrieking Girl of Fairmount St. is walking her bike home and wailing into her cell phone such that she can be heard half a block away:
Shrieking Girl: I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean it. I’m so sorry.
— I wish I weren’t a girl.
— I’m sorry.
— I didn’t have a choice.
— I wish I were a boy.
— I didn’t mean it.
— It doesn’t matter what year it is; everything’s always the same…
[Shrieking Girl locks up bike and enters house, where he continued sobbing is less intelligible but still audible.]
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Friday, July 6th, 2007
The “Boy Named Sue” School of Parenting
Kelly’s Bar, Center Ave, East Liberty. Saturday Night, 1:30 a.m.:
20-Something Guy: So, they’re naming their baby after my cat: Jackson Wintermints!
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Friday, July 6th, 2007
After Subway dropped its Sub Club Cards, Tim got creative.
Frick Park. 8 p.m.
30-Something Woman: [to 30-Something Man] So I went up to him, and I was like, “Dude, stop fucking my co-workers!”
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Friday, July 6th, 2007
We can’t help ourselves; it’s Pavlovian.
Forbes Ave, Oakland. Late night.
A couple of drunk college co-eds are walking down the street. One drops change into a fast food paper cup that a man is holding:
Man: ASSHOLE! That was my drink!
Drunk Girl: [walking away and giggling] OH! Sorry!
1 Comment » - Tags: Uncategorized, panhandlers
Thursday, July 5th, 2007
That’s kind of the point of wine.
Liquor Store, Dormont:
Old Lady: [holds up a bottle of red wine] How long will this keep?
Clerk: Indefinitely.
— Overheard by Bill
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Thursday, July 5th, 2007
“Well, it’s working, then.”
Dressing Room, H&M, Southside Works:
Girl #1: So what do you think?
Girl #2: I think it makes your boobs look big.
Girl #1: EVERYTHING makes my boobs look big. They ARE big!
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Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007
“But if she doesn’t come back, it was never meant to be.”
16th Street, South Side. 1 a.m.:
Drunk Guy: [to Drunk Friend] My motto is “If you can make her scream like every animal in the zoo, she’s yours.”
No Comments » - Tags: Drinking, Drunks & Bars, Attraction, Love & Sex, Beliefs, Credos & Theories, Animals, Southside, One-Liners
Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007
Learning Already
The Underground, Carnegie Mellon University.
Three pre-college students, two boys and one girl, are playing pool:
Boy #1: And if your ball is close, you can blow it in.
Boy #2: Yeah, but you can only blow it once.
Boy #1: No, she can blow her ball as many times as she wants.
— Overheard by I’m just trying to write a research paper
No Comments » - Tags: CMU, Age, Attraction, Love & Sex, Education, Contests & Games, College Kids, OIP Favorites
Monday, July 2nd, 2007
It reminded him too much of Princess Diana.
61A Outbound. 5 p.m.:
Hairy, Bearded Man: Yeah, I started growing it early, at 15 or something.
Bald Man: Looks like you got a lot. [Uncomfortably rubs his head].
Hairy, Bearded Man: Yeah, I haven’t seen my chin since 1997.
— Overheard by ryan