Overheard in Pittsburgh

Parking Lot, Whole Foods, East Liberty:

Man: [to boy in karate gee] Hey, I like your outfit.
Boy’s Mom: He takes lessons in Bloomfield.
Man: Which of the forty-seven karate places there?

Office, South Side.
Co-workers discussing appropriate attire with the manager:

Co-Worker #1: Well, I’m wearing a skort, so it doesn’t matter to me. [lifts the front of her skort to reveal shorts underneath.]

Penn Circle West, Easy Liberty.
Three white guys dressed for the office in shirts someone else picked out for them are walking back to work after having lunch at Whole Foods. A black man in a sweaty, over-sized t-shirt rounds the corner and sees them:

Black Guy: Hey, wait up, can any of you spare five bucks?
Tall White Guy: [showing off for friends] Get a job!
[The three white guys elbow each other and laugh.]
Black Guy: What? You think you’re big? Come over here and we’ll talk about it!
[Tall white guy turns and  beats his chest with slightly more subtelty than a silverback gorilla.]
Black Guy: Fuck you! You white dudes think you know everything! Come over here and show me what you got!
[White guys continue to walk, but tall white guy again does the provocative chest-beating.]
Black Guy: Yeah, that’s what I thought. Assholes.
[Black guy continues to mutter to himself angrily as he walks down Center.]

— Overheard by Little Nemo 

Carnegie Library, Downtown:

Lady: [to friend] Sometimes at work I wish I could just sit on the toilet all day reading a book.

— Overheard by LibraryLover

Administrative Office, CMU:

30-Something Male Employee: Our Boss just called in; he’s going home at noon today.
60-Something Female Employee: We’re unsupervised?! I’m gonna run amok!

— Overheard by Connor

Duck Pond Game, Saints Simon and Jude Parish Festival, Scott. 9 p.m.:

Woman: [to little girl with leg cast] What happened to you?!
Mother: She fell off the damn quad.

Overheard in Pittsburgh is back from hiatus.

You can breathe again.
— Chris

I will be taking to the next seven days off to work on the site in non-content-related ways, so there will be no new Overheard in Pittsburgh until July 18. But just because there won’t be any new entries for the next week, doesn’t mean you can’t re-read your old favorites.

And on the 18th, you can wake up, rub your eyes, and go downstairs to see that I have eaten your milk and cookies and left you brand-new Overheard in Pittsburgh. But no batteries.

See you July 18.

Thanks,
Chris Griswold

22nd/Carson, South Side. 5 p.m.
A storm is rapidly approaching, and black clouds creep near. A 40-something yinzer runs up to a 20-something college student:

Yinzer: All i would need is some GUNS and i’d be back in Desert Storm!
[Yinzer abruptly turns and runs down Carson]

71A, Center Ave, Oakland.
An elderly woman wearing a grossly-oversized sweater with the acronym “BIBLE: Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth” is pontificating:

Elderly Woman: I’m from the old school, you know. Mmm-hmm. Where kids treat their parents with respect. None of that bossing their parents around. I’ve seen some crazy things nowadays. Kids with their pants around their ankles. No, sir! They don’t know what they’re doing. Probably sinners. Parents are cheatin’ around. And don’t even think about the gays! Homosexuality is a sin, and those mortal sinners will burn in hell for eternity! And bestiality: It’s immoral. We gotta praise Jesus. It’s an abomination. We gotta put faith in the Lord! Well, it’s my stop. Ride safe. It was good to see you. Bye now.
[Elderly Woman disembarks.]
Man Sitting Nearby: [leaning over to neighbor] She means well, but sometimes she goes off on a tangent.

— Overheard by Nathan