Archive for July 2007
Monday, July 30th, 2007
Pittsburgh, by George Herriman*
Roberto Clemente Bridge, Downtown. After an Evening Pirates Game.
A young couple is stopped by a man and a woman selling handmade denim Pirates purses:
Male Purse Vendor: Buy a purse for your pretty lady?
Guy: No, she has enough purses.
Male Purse Vendor: if she gets mad at you, she can put a brick in it and swing at you.
* Too obscure?
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Monday, July 30th, 2007
And there’d be a lot of babies to unswitch.
Prenatal Monitoring Unit, Magee Women’s Hospital, Oakland. 8:15 a.m.
A Nurse hangs up the phone after arguing loudly for five minutes about scheduling a patient for monitoring later that
morning.
Nurse: IF I WAS AN ALCOHOLIC, I’D BE DRUNK.
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Monday, July 30th, 2007
Said with Pizza Sauce on Face
Rocco’s Tavern, Swissvale.
A middle-aged yinzer is telling jokes to some 20-something bar patrons:
Yinzer: What do pizza and sex have in common?
Patrons: What?
Yinzer: When it’s good it’s good. And when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good!
[Patrons laugh]
Drunk Girl: It’s funny because it’s true!
— Overheard by Megan
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Friday, July 27th, 2007
That’s better than their first choice, Snowball.
Kelly’s Bar, Center Ave, East Liberty. 1:30 a.m. Saturday Night:
20-Something Guy: [to friends] So, they’re naming their baby after my cat: Jackson Wintermints!
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Friday, July 27th, 2007
“Fine, but does she know his favorite color?”
Eat ‘n’ Park, Squirrel Hill.
A nicely dressed couple in their 50s is discussing the upcoming wedding of their daughter:
Mother: [worried] Do you think she knows he’s ten years older than she is?
Father: Yep, I think so.
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Friday, July 27th, 2007
Thus the mojito.
Double Wide Grille, South Side:
Woman #1: That drink looks good; is it?
Woman #2: It sure is: It’s a mojito
Woman #1: Maybe I’ll order one.
Woman #2: I’m here with the Jews and Brews mixer. Are you?
Woman #1: No, but I was married to a Jew.
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Friday, July 27th, 2007
Hey, mom, looking for a way to keep your kids busy during the summer months?
Adult Section, Heads Together Video Store, Squirrel Hill.
Hipster Guy #1: Whoa! TABOO! Hey, you guys in the mood for some hardcore transgressive pornography?
Hipster Guy #2 and Hipster Girl: YEAH!
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Thursday, July 26th, 2007
No part of the human psyche will go untouched by the Jennifer Antkowiak media empire.
Sixth / Penn, Downtown. 9 a.m.
An attractive woman drives by:
Crazy Man: You’re in my dreams, on my TV, everywhere!
* In this months’ At Home with Jennifer Magazine: Making your coupon and rebate binders more festive; spotting deals on designer dalmatian duds; spicing up your marriage with a trip to a bed and breakfast. (I’m just guessing.)
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Thursday, July 26th, 2007
Mike could find no other way to fit Gotham City and Metropolis onto his map.
Mad Mex, Oakland. Saturday Night.
College Guy #1: You know that Pittsburgh is the only ‘burgh in America to still have an H in it’s name? We survived Postal Standardization, AND Pinkertons.
College Guy #2: Actually, Edinburgh, Indiana has an H too…
College Guy #3: Indiana’s not part of MY America.
Overheard in Pittsburgh TrueFact™: Pittsburgh was the FIRST to reclaim its “H”, not the only. As more more cities reach their centennials and bicentennials, the the amateur historians of each lobby to restore the original name. Check out Robert Krulwich’s great story on the subject from NPR.
Overheard in Pittsburgh NerdFact™: Called New York City’s ugly step-sisters, Gotham and Metropolis actually are implied to be located in New Jersey.
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Thursday, July 26th, 2007
Overheard in Pittsburgh LifeLessons™: Lead by example.
Inbound Bus Stop, Kelly St / S. Trenton Ave, Wilkinsburg:
Mother: [to nine-year-old] Stop swearing, and don’t talk so damn much!
— Overheard by Alisa G.