Overheard in Pittsburgh

Life in the Iron City

Archive for June 2007

Wednesday, June 20th, 2007

Parking: It’s not just a ride, it’s an adventure!

Post Office, Pleasant Hills.
A blonde girl in a Volvo is backing out at the same time as several other cars.

Volvo Driver: UM, HELLO?!?! SATURN?!?! Are you going to back into my… VOLVO?!?! JESUS CHRIST!!!

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Tuesday, June 19th, 2007

Chocolate helps me get through mine.

Forbes Avenue, Oakland:

Guy: [to girl] I guess its sad that since I’m poor, nachos have become part of my monthly cycle.

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Tuesday, June 19th, 2007

It’s either that or the cirrhosis

61B Outbound, Uptown:

60-Year-Old Black Guy in a Golf Cap: [to 20-something co-ed] Sweetheart, you’re beautiful; you make my heart shiver and my liver quiver.

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Tuesday, June 19th, 2007

Successful people find a need for a coffee franchise and fill it. After winning Powerball.

41D Inbound.
A yinzer in casual business attire is sitting, spread out, in the back of the bus, speaking to a 20-something woman, also in casual business attire:

Yinzer: Do they have a Starbucks in Station Square?
[Woman shakes her head.]
Yinzer: Why not?
Woman: Well, Station Square is surrounded by a lot of busy streets, so the backup in traffic it would cause is probably a problem. And there are a lot of Starbucks downtown, so they probably don’t need one in Station Square.
Yinzer: Tell you what: If I hit the lottery, that’s what I’d open!

— Overheard by ecto

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Monday, June 18th, 2007

DUIs are my anti-drug.

Saxonburg Carnival, Saxonburg:

Girl #1: My boss always calls me at home when I take a day off.
Girl #2: I’m glad my boss doesn’t call me on my day off because I’m usually, like, in court.

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Monday, June 18th, 2007

Amy knew she had to get John to wear something other than denim overalls.

National City Bank, Mt. Washington.
An extraordinarily short 30-something man is talking to bank teller and holding up a line of people:

Man: So how you been?
Teller: Oh, fine.
Man: Just fine? I saw you out last week with your boyfriend Hank.
Teller: My boyfriend’s name isn’t Hank.
Man: Oh well, he sure looks like a Hank.

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Monday, June 18th, 2007

Now that’s something to cry about.

Eighth Ave, Homestead.
A man is walking with four children. The youngest is dragging a stick, absent-mindedly hitting everything with which it comes in contact:

Man: [to youngest child] You better not start crying. If you start crying, I’ll kick you in the face.

— Student Extraordinare

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Friday, June 15th, 2007

It’s from drinking all that burnt coffee.

Starbucks, Forbes/Shady, Squirrel Hill.
A barrista makes a loud, evil laugh:

Barrista #1: Wow, that was some cackle.
Barrista #2: I thought you knew: Under this apron… PURE EEEEVIL!
Barrista #3: I don’t even think that kind of cackle is in my repertoire.

— Overheard by Connor

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Friday, June 15th, 2007

Even wishes made at the grease wishing well cost fifty cents.

Cash Register, Ritters, Bloomfield:

Customer: [being silly] Are these toothpicks free?
Waitress: Yeah, right. Nothing in this place is free. [thinks for a moment] The air, maybe. You’d be lucky to get that free.

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Friday, June 15th, 2007

Despite plenty of evidence to the contrary, mariners still irrationally fear falling off the edge of the Earth.

Inbound Bus Stop, Fifth/Bigelow, Oakland.
A grizzled middle-aged man with a PING golf hat and a book of Boolean algebra rants to no one in particular:

Crazy Man: Gooood RIDDANCE! to another ineffective person…I’ll bet you think the world is FLAT!…Standing on a point in four directions…Now, even mariners can judge…

— Overheard by Zyzzy

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