Overheard in Pittsburgh

Outside Shady Grove, Shadyside. 1 a.m.
A couple has just been accosted by a woman begging for money and wearing a wrist brace:

Shadyside Dude: I wasn’t listening to what she said; she’s fucking homeless!

— Overheard by grace

Patio, 61C Cafe, Squirrel Hill.
Two hipsters and a stoner are having their morning coffee:

Stoner: Dudes, I bone up every morning — have been for 10 years — and it doesn’t affect me. [looks around and under the table] FUCK! SHIT! FUCK!
Hipster: Dude, what are you looking for?
Stoner: Shit! I left my fuckin’ laptop on the bus!… Or is it in my apartment?… I’ll call my roommate… Fuck, where’s my cell phone?… Shit… Man, I need a joint.

Southside Works, South Side. Thursday night.
Five teenagers in costumes stand together, following the sneak preview of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix:

Boy in Cape: Dumbledore is so punk rock.
[Everyone nods in agreement.]

500 Inbound. Evening.
Two disheveled men are talking loudly about cocaine:

Disheveled Man #1: You know where it started don’t you? Cocaine? THE DOCTORS!
Disheveled Man #2: The doctors? You don’t say.
Disheveled Man #1: Yeah, I seen it on the Discovery Channel or the History Channel or some shit. But yeah, man, it was the doctors. All those rich people went to the doctors for the good stuff, and they gave it to them. The doctors.

Overheard in Pittsburgh now has its own store on Spreadshirt, where you will be able to find merchandise based on the site. The store is still in its infancy, but it currently features two, with more options to come soon.

You have time to order the Magic Boy merchandise and receive it in time for fifth movie premiere and the seventh book release. WINK, WINK. Comments and suggestions for new products are welcome and needed.

Thanks,

Chris Griswold
Overheard in Pittsburgh

Under the Bridges near 279 North, North Side.
A Just Ducky tour drives past the Warhol Museum:

Tour Guide: Alright, everybody! Get your cameras ready! This is the most exciting and amazing thing you’ll see in all of Pittsburgh: the underside of 279! Amazing!
Kid in Back: You suck!

In front of Mercy Health Center, Soho:

Homeless Guy: Oh, honey, thank you, thank you! You’re the first beautiful thing I’ve seen in this damn city! Everything else is shit!

Aldi, Etna.
Two elderly women are shopping, and one is trying to reach a bag of Werther’s Original candies from a high shelf.  A younger woman walks over to help her get the bags:

Elderly Woman: Can you get me one of the bags with the red label?  Actually, make it two, no, wait, three.  My husband eats these like candy.

— Overheard by Megan

Botany Lab, Carnegie Museum of Natural History, Oakland.
Preschool-aged children are taking part in a behind-the-scenes class:

Botanist: So what did everyone have for breakfast this morning? I bet most of you ate some plants for breakfast this morning.
Little Boy: I had waffles!
Botanist: And those are made from wheat, which is a plant.
Red-Haired Girl in a Fancy Pink Dress: I didn’t eat plants.
Botanist: Well, what did you eat this morning?
Red-Haired Girl: Cheerios and a banana.
Botanist: [cheerful, supportive tone] And Cheerios are made from grains, which grow on plants. And bananas are plants too.
Red-Haired Girl: [stamping her patent leather shoes] I DON’T EAT PLANTS!
Red-Haired Girl’s Mom: Shhh, now honey, yes you do.
Botanist: And how about what we’re all wearing? Lots of our clothes are made from cotton, which grows on a plant! And without plants, you wouldn’t have been able to drive here to see me today because tires have rubber in them, and rubber comes from the rubber tree whi—
Red-Haired Girl: I DON’T BELIEVE YOU!!!
Red-Haired Girl’s Mom: OK, that’s enough. [She grabs her daughter by the hand and
leads her out.]

Wendy’s, Pleasant Hills. Morning.
One of the cooks is having trouble getting the first order of the day correct:

Female Wendy’s Employee #1: He’s not doing that right.
Female Wendy’s Employee #2: What do you expect? He worked at McDonald’s.
— Overheard by Rob of UnSpace