Archive for May 2007
Monday, May 21st, 2007
Sorry, Port Authority discontinued that one recently.
71A Inbound. Monday morning.
Despite the bus’ being crammed uncomfortably full of students and commuters heading into Oakland, the driver repeatedly stops and lets more people on:
Bus Driver: All of you MOVE TO THE BACK and let these people in!
Disheveled elderly woman in heavy makeup: WHAT IS THIS, THE TRAIN TO FUCKING AUSCHWITZ?!
— Overheard by Melissa Andre
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Monday, May 21st, 2007
Where’s the Maître d’?
Amtrak Station, Strip District:
Woman: This station is disgusting. All of the accoutrements are nasty. Even the M&Ms in the vending machines are stale.
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Monday, May 21st, 2007
Drinking Problem
Casey’s Draft House, South Side:
Nicely Dressed Woman #1: Oh! I’ll have a Jaegerbomb!
[Bartender serves the already mixed drink]
Nicely Dressed Woman #1: Where do I drop it in?
Bartender: That’s a car bomb; the Jaeger and Red Bull are already mixed.
Nicely Dressed Woman #1: Well, how do I drink it then?
Bartender: Like a drink. [makes drinking motion]
Nicely Dressed Woman #1: OK, I’ll try. [Throws back drink and spills it all over her]
Nicely Dressed Woman #2: Great! Now there’s Jaeger in my purse!
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Friday, May 18th, 2007
Potato, Potahto
Bread Aisle, Giant Eagle Marketplace, Shadyside.
A sign declares Entenmann’s donuts and Pop’ems™ to be on sale:
Tired College Girl: Oh, I looove Poh-pems.
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Friday, May 18th, 2007
Not if she screws up those orders, she doesn’t.
Starbucks Squirrel Hill
Barista: If I keep screwing up these orders, I’m gonna ruin my career.
Exasperated Manager: You’re 18; you don’t have a career.
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Friday, May 18th, 2007
That’s called “getting `Rocked!”
Forbes/Oakland, Oakland:
Woman: Three times I’ve been up at Slippery Rock, and always there’s some sort of altercation.
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Thursday, May 17th, 2007
Later: “Sandy, my elbow doesn’t go there.”
Wean Hall, CMU. 11 PM:
Girl: There are just some parts of a man’s body that I want nothing to do with.
Guy: So what WOULD you have sex with?
Girl: Like, the hip bone.
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Thursday, May 17th, 2007
She didn’t say she was their mother…
67H. Mother’s Day:
Woman: Have a nice day, and a Happy Mother’s Day if you’re a mom.
Driver: Yeah, I have two brats.
— Overheard by AlwaysReporting
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Thursday, May 17th, 2007
By “terrorist”, she means “Batman villain.”
Amtrak Station, Strip District:Woman: If I was a terrorist I’d just poison a well. I tell you what, though: I have well water, and it’s the best water I ever drank!
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Wednesday, May 16th, 2007
The Positive View: Schools are still teaching phys ed.
Forbes/Craig Outbound Bus Stop, Mid-Afternoon.
A group of Oakland Catholic students are talking about an upcoming dance contest:
Token Black Girl: Anyone can pop their booty; my five-year-old sister can pop her booty!