Overheard in Pittsburgh

71A Inbound. Monday morning.
Despite the bus’ being crammed uncomfortably full of students and commuters heading into Oakland, the driver repeatedly stops and lets more people on:

Bus Driver: All of you MOVE TO THE BACK and let these people in!
Disheveled elderly woman in heavy makeup: WHAT IS THIS, THE TRAIN TO FUCKING AUSCHWITZ?!

— Overheard by Melissa Andre

Amtrak Station, Strip District:

Woman: This station is disgusting. All of the accoutrements are nasty. Even the M&Ms in the vending machines are stale.

Casey’s Draft House, South Side:

Nicely Dressed Woman #1: Oh! I’ll have a Jaegerbomb!
[Bartender serves the already mixed drink]
Nicely Dressed Woman #1: Where do I drop it in?
Bartender: That’s a car bomb; the Jaeger and Red Bull are already mixed.
Nicely Dressed Woman #1: Well, how do I drink it then?
Bartender: Like a drink. [makes drinking motion]
Nicely Dressed Woman #1: OK, I’ll try. [Throws back drink and spills it all over her]
Nicely Dressed Woman #2: Great! Now there’s Jaeger in my purse!

Bread Aisle, Giant Eagle Marketplace, Shadyside.
A sign declares Entenmann’s donuts and Pop’ems™ to be on sale:

Tired College Girl: Oh, I looove Poh-pems.

Starbucks Squirrel Hill

Barista: If I keep screwing up these orders, I’m gonna ruin my career.
Exasperated Manager: You’re 18; you don’t have a career.

Forbes/Oakland, Oakland:

Woman: Three times I’ve been up at Slippery Rock, and always there’s some sort of altercation.

Wean Hall, CMU. 11 PM:

Girl: There are just some parts of a man’s body that I want nothing to do with.
Guy: So what WOULD you have sex with?
Girl: Like, the hip bone.

67H. Mother’s Day:

Woman: Have a nice day, and a Happy Mother’s Day if you’re a mom.
Driver: Yeah, I have two brats.
— Overheard by AlwaysReporting

Amtrak Station, Strip District:Woman: If I was a terrorist I’d just poison a well. I tell you what, though: I have well water, and it’s the best water I ever drank!

Forbes/Craig Outbound Bus Stop, Mid-Afternoon.
A group of Oakland Catholic students are talking about an upcoming dance contest:

Token Black Girl: Anyone can pop their booty; my five-year-old sister can pop her booty!