Archive for May 2007
Friday, May 25th, 2007
Best Song on the New KidzRap™ Album
Chemistry Lab, Doherty Hall, CMU.
The lab is almost over. A student is doing a particularly good job helping the teaching assistants with their cleaning:
Male TA: [to student] We should make you, like, MVP of the lab or something.
Female TA: That would be MVS, because he’s a student
Male TA: [like a rapper] Students can be PLAYAZ too!
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Friday, May 25th, 2007
People shouldn’t try to update Uncle Remus stories.
Administrative Offices, Warner Hall, Carnegie Mellon University.
A white woman is filing papers in a cabinet in the main hallway of the office, blocking it off. A large black woman approaches:
Large Black Woman: A black woman can’t hardly walk `round her own cubicle without bein’ blocked by white folks!
White Woman: Yup. I’m just one big honky roadblock.
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Thursday, May 24th, 2007
Substitute teachers’ jobs should be as difficult as possible.
71A Outbound:
Woman on Cell Phone: I hate when people name their kids normal names.
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Thursday, May 24th, 2007
Overheard in Pittsburgh LifeLessons™: Give second chances.
Tutoring Lab, Art Institute:
Student: If I were to hit a girl and she didn’t hit me back I’d hit her again. “Hit me back, bitch!”
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Thursday, May 24th, 2007
“Pegasus is, like, the worst employer.”
67A Outbound.
Two indie chicks who boarded at CMU are chatting about job interviews:
Indie Chick #1: I had an interview at The Cheesecake Factory. The girl interviewing me asked me if I would have a problem dying my hair to a normal color if I got a job there. I said no because if someone didn’t like me because of my hair color, they’re probably a bigot, and I wouldn’t want to wait on them anyways.
Indie Chick #2: That’s awesome.
Indie Chick #1: I would like a new job, though, because the place I work now has so many gay little rules. They’re so gay.
— Overheard by Stealth Bus Listener
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Wednesday, May 23rd, 2007
I’m happy as long as that scary Nasonex mascot thing is gone.
In Front of Hillman Library, Bigelow Blvd, Oakland. Morning:
Construction Worker: [to co-worker] It’s like Einstein said: When the honeybees disappear, we got about 40 years left, tops.
— Overheard by Lola
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Wednesday, May 23rd, 2007
This really should have been worked into the advertising.
Loews AMC Cinema at the Waterfront. During a showing of 28 Weeks Later.
A man stands up to go to the bathroom:
Guy #1: Whoah, I think that dude shit his pants.
Guy #2: Yeah, I think I did, too.
— Overheard by Gerrit
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Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007
My brother recently came out as Shadyside.
Home Depot, East Liberty:
Mother: Oh, I met someone who knows you… Marilyn, I think? She said she went to high school with you.
Daughter: Marilyn? I don’t know a Marilyn. What was she like?
Mother: Oh, tall-ish, brown hair, brown eyes—
Daughter: [considering] Did she seem a little…um… I hate to say “trashy” but, you know—
Mother: Well, she did seem a little “Morningside”.
Daughter: Oh yeah! Marilyn!
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Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007
Gott ist Todd.
Architecture Firm, South Side:
Receptionist: [on phone] No, God isn’t here; He’s everywhere.
— Ohhhhh, TODD.
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Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007
Ice Cream Headache or Blinding Tumor?
Kennywood:
Fat Child: [running after his parents] THIS ICE CREAM IS MAKING ME CRAZY!
[He does not actually have ice cream.]