Overheard in Pittsburgh

Chemistry Lab, Doherty Hall, CMU.
The lab is almost over. A student is doing a particularly good job helping the teaching assistants with their cleaning:

Male TA: [to student] We should make you, like, MVP of the lab or something.
Female TA: That would be MVS, because he’s a student
Male TA: [like a rapper] Students can be PLAYAZ too!

Administrative Offices, Warner Hall, Carnegie Mellon University.
A white woman is filing papers in a cabinet in the main hallway of the office, blocking it off. A large black woman approaches:

Large Black Woman: A black woman can’t hardly walk `round her own cubicle without bein’ blocked by white folks!
White Woman: Yup. I’m just one big honky roadblock.

71A Outbound:

Woman on Cell Phone: I hate when people name their kids normal names.

Tutoring Lab, Art Institute:

Student: If I were to hit a girl and she didn’t hit me back I’d hit her again. “Hit me back, bitch!”

67A Outbound.
Two indie chicks who boarded at CMU are chatting about job interviews:

Indie Chick #1: I had an interview at The Cheesecake Factory. The girl interviewing me asked me if I would have a problem dying my hair to a normal color if I got a job there. I said no because if someone didn’t like me because of my hair color, they’re probably a bigot, and I wouldn’t want to wait on them anyways.
Indie Chick #2: That’s awesome.
Indie Chick #1: I would like a new job, though, because the place I work now has so many gay little rules. They’re so gay.

— Overheard by Stealth Bus Listener

In Front of Hillman Library, Bigelow Blvd, Oakland. Morning:

Construction Worker: [to co-worker] It’s like Einstein said: When the honeybees disappear, we got about 40 years left, tops.

— Overheard by Lola

Loews AMC Cinema at the Waterfront. During a showing of 28 Weeks Later.
A man stands up to go to the bathroom:

Guy #1: Whoah, I think that dude shit his pants.
Guy #2: Yeah, I think I did, too.

— Overheard by Gerrit

Home Depot, East Liberty:

Mother: Oh, I met someone who knows you… Marilyn, I think? She said she went to high school with you.
Daughter: Marilyn? I don’t know a Marilyn. What was she like?
Mother: Oh, tall-ish, brown hair, brown eyes—
Daughter: [considering] Did she seem a little…um… I hate to say “trashy” but, you know—
Mother: Well, she did seem a little “Morningside”.
Daughter: Oh yeah! Marilyn!

Architecture Firm, South Side:

Receptionist: [on phone] No, God isn’t here; He’s everywhere.
— Ohhhhh, TODD.

Kennywood:

Fat Child: [running after his parents] THIS ICE CREAM IS MAKING ME CRAZY!

[He does not actually have ice cream.]