Overheard in Pittsburgh

Bar, Clark’s Restaurant, Moon Township. Friday Happy Hour:

Guy: [to friend] You’ve never heard of being “metrosexual”? It’s when you’re a guy and you really like to look good: clothes, hair, the works.
Cute Female Bartender: It’s when your boyfriend takes longer to get ready to go out than you do.

Spanish Class, University of Pittsburgh.
The professor is trying to explain the subjunctive tense to a student:

Professor: It’s used to express uncertainty.
Helpful Girl: Yeah, it’s like when things aren’t clear. Think of “Buddho”, or Tao or something.

— Overheard by Keystone

Carnegie Library, East Liberty.
A middle-aged patron approaches a reference librarian:

Patron: [enthusiastically] Is English Grammar grammar?
Librarian: Ummm… excuse me?
Patron: [still enthusiastic] Is English Grammar grammar?
Librarian: Well, yeah. Yes.

— Overheard by coreyw

Outdoor patio, Remedy, Lawrenceville:

Hipster: [suddenly yelling] Hello, sir! Nice to meet you! I’m fucking naked!

— Overheard by Tim

Giant Eagle, Squirrel Hill:

Food Drive Volunteer: If they look like they’re in college, I usually don’t bother to ask.

James Street Tavern, Monroeville:

Senior Citizen Man #1: You know, I’m about sick of the car I have. I think I’m going to buy a new car tomorrow.
Senior Citizen Man #2: At your age? You could go at any time! In fact, if I were you, I’d be nervous buying green bananas!

Outbound 61A, Oakland.
A mom on a cell phone and her six-year-old daughter get on the bus. The girl sits next to a woman in her early 20s and proudly pulls a Barbie out of her backpack:

Girl: [to woman] Lookit my new Barbie!
Woman: Oh, that’s a nice doll.
Girl: Lookit her long pretty hair, and her pretty purple dress, and her glitter makeup. [Points to doll's chest] Oh! And lookit her BOOBIES!
Woman: [uncomfortable] Wow, I really like her dress…
Girl: [points to woman's chest] You have boobies too! Boobies boobies boobies!
[Woman looks very uncomfortable and abruptly exits at the next stop without another word.]

Starbucks, Duquesne University:

Girl #1: I just hate going to campus that way because I feel really nervous walking past that homeless guy.
Girl #2: I don’t know what you’re so worried about.  I’m sure he’s more afraid of you than you are of him.
Guy: He’s a homeless guy, not a fuckin’ snake.

Target, Waterfront:

Blonde Yinzer: [to friend] You think she’s strange because she had them baptized every five months.
— Feightner

Parking Garage near the Courthouse, Downtown:

Woman: [referring to automated parking lot machines] Do those give change?
Security Guard: Yeah, they do.  You can put in a ten or a twenty.
Woman: No, I mean, do they give change?
Security Guard: [confused] Yeah, just put in whatever bills you have and it’ll make change.
Woman: No, I mean, like at the post office — you know the stamp machines?
Security Guard: Yeah.
Woman: Ok, so, I put money in to buy stamps and it  gives me those gold quarters.
Security Guard: Oh, no, this machine gives you back bills.
Woman: Oh, good.