Archive for April 2007
Monday, April 30th, 2007
Wouldn’t You Like to Get Away?
The Holiday, Forbes Ave., Oakland:
Bartender: Last call, motherfuckers! NOW DANCE!
[Madonna’s “Ray of Light” starts to play.]
Chorus of Drunk LGBT People: FUCK YEAH!
[Warbling sing-a-long ensues.]
Monday, April 30th, 2007
“Under that bloody tarp.”
March of Dimes Walk America, North Shore Riverfront Park:
Man: If you want to kill someone and throw the body in the river, that’s the spot to do it. Right there.
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Friday, April 27th, 2007
With Great Power Comes Cute Little Faces
Harris Grill, Shadyside.
A man is telling a story about falling from a great height and miraculously landing on his feet:
Man #2: Oh, you’re like Spider-Man! No, wait; what lands on its feet? YOU’RE LIKE KITTENS!!!
—Overheard by shan
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Thursday, April 26th, 2007
Absolutly.
Wines and Spirits Class, Pennsylvania Culinary Institute, Downtown.
The class is discussing types of liquors and what gives them their flavors:
Class Dunce: I thought about buying this vodka made from potatoes once, but I wasn’t sure how that would taste. Do you think it would taste OK?
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Thursday, April 26th, 2007
Grandpa… let’s not do anything rash. Please… just put it down. Easy.
Family Party, White Oak.
A man in his 90s and a middle-aged woman stand in line at a buffet-style dinner:
Old Man to Woman: What’s a nice Jewish boy like me doing with a pork chop like this?
— Overheard by corey w.
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Wednesday, April 25th, 2007
Some establishments prefer that their employees have a “certain look.”
Panera, Centre Ave, Friendship.
A group of four Asian female students, complete with electronic accessories occupying all available outlets, are discussing their mutual dislike of a local Asian restaurant:
Asian Girl #1: And I think if you order the take-out, you get more food.
Asian Girl #2: I know, and every time I go in he hassles me about asking my friends if they want jobs. I’m not going in there anymore.
— Overheard by another white girl
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Wednesday, April 25th, 2007
Craig always tried to explain away any likely prosecutable behavior beforehand.
Hunt Library, Carnegie Mellon. Monday Night:
Male Study Partner: This Gatorade™ is really giving me the much needed energy for this assignment.
Female Study Partner: Huh.
Male Study Partner: Ya know the last time I had Gatorade™, my roommates put vodka in it! Some idiots they are…
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Wednesday, April 25th, 2007
Say Hello to Piglet
Craig/Fifth, Oakland. 1:50 AM:
Female Student: Yeah, Tigger’s a big-time coke dealer. Thats why he’s bouncing off the walls all the time. He’s like an orange, striped Tony Montoya.
Male Student: You fuck with him, you fuck with the best?
Female Student: ‘Cause the wonderful thing about Tiggers is that he’s the only one, and he’s the king of the world.
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Wednesday, April 25th, 2007
Career Night at Taylor-Allderdice
Garage Door Saloon, Oakland. 5:30 PM:
Drunk Patron: [leaving] Well, time to go give my presentation!
— Overheard by Tia
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Tuesday, April 24th, 2007
It’s not too late to declare moral bankruptcy.
Elevator, Litchfield Tower B, Pitt Campus. Friday Night.
A small group of drunk business students enters the elevator. One of them spits on the wall:
Business Kid Spitter: [after a long pause] Ew, who spat on the wall?
— Overheard by I’m not surprised