Overheard in Pittsburgh

Life in the Iron City

Archive for March 2007

Monday, March 26th, 2007

No Blood for Toner

Caribou Coffee, Fortbes Ave, Oakland. Late Afternoon.
Students are scattered around the coffee shop seating, socializing and studying. Outside, a war protest is forming in front of the army recruiters office, which is in between Qdoba and Kinkos:

Barista #1: [to Barista #2] Hey! They’re protesting again!
Barista #2: Where at?
Barista #1: Outside! Come look!
[Barista #2 walks over and looks outside, pauses]
Barista #2: [confused] Why are they always protesting Kinkos?
Barista #1: [looking at the confused look on Barista #2’s face] Are you serious?
Barista #2: They’re always outside of Kinkos!
[…]
Barista #1: They’re outside the Army Recruiters office.
Barista #2: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! … Damn Kinkos.

Minutes later:

Barista #2: [marching around behind the bar] I HATE KINKOS! I HATE KINKOS! I HATE KINKOS!

— Overheard by CoffeeHouseLounge

---

Monday, March 26th, 2007

That’s the question that psychic John Edwards leads with.

Intro to Psychology Class, David Lawrence Hall, Pitt.
The professor asks for a volunteer to see if strangers can estimate someone’s personality based on their appearance. A 6′5″, 270-pound football player steps to the front:

Professor: So, what do you think this guy is like?
Student: He’s outgoing?
Professor: Are you outgoing?
Football Player: [unenthusiastically] Yeh.
[Discussion continues…]
Voice from the Back: He likes cake?
Professor: Um… do you like cake?
Football Player: Yeh.

---

Friday, March 23rd, 2007

Waterfront Horror Stage III: Judgment

Bus Stop, Waterfront:

Girl: Does this bus go to Squirrel Hill?
Bus Diver: Yep.
[Girl gets on bus.]
Emo Kid: Does this bus go to Squirrel Hill?
Bus Driver: No! No! No!
[Bus Driver closes door on Emo Kid and drives away quickly.]

---

Friday, March 23rd, 2007

Waterfront Horror Stage II: Hopelessness

Home Furnishings Department, Target, Waterfront. Afternoon.
A young mother shops with her toddler in the front seat of a shopping cart. The young child is crying hysterically:

Toddler:  I…want…to…diiiiiieee!

— Overheard by corey w.

---

Friday, March 23rd, 2007

Waterfront Horror Stage I: Realization

Make-Up Section, Target, Waterfront:

Young Black Woman: [to herself] I need to get out of this place. I have had it with the Waterfront. First I’m gonna fucking eat, then I’m gonna catch the bus. I need to get out of this place.

— Overheard by just trying to shop

---

Thursday, March 22nd, 2007

Doug thumbed his Gilmore Girls dog tag nervously.

Petco, Waterworks.
A man is retrieving his newly engraved pet ID tag from the machine:

Seven-Year-Old Boy: Ooh, look, they have a Spongebob tag!
Mother: Oh, you didn’t get Spongebob! You should have gotten Spongebob!
Man: No, my dogs like the other shows.

---

Wednesday, March 21st, 2007

For tonight’s performance, the part of “Old Man” will be played by Gabby Hayes.

Bus Stop, Murray / Forward, Squirrel Hill. Five minutes until the 61C arrives.
The weather is sunny, and the temperature is in the mid-30s:

Old Man: That bus won’t come!
—Makes me mad…
—That dumb blazin’ bus won’t show up! We’re gonna get frostbite waitin’ out here!
—Maybe they’re not runnin’…
—Maybe they’ll send another one?
—That dadgum bus!
—Makes me mad…
[The bus appears at the crest of the hill. A line of cars at the light holds it back.]
Old Man: Why won’t those cars move? [waves arm] Move, cars!
[A group of even older old people turn and look at him incredulously. The intersection finally clears, and the bus pulls up.]
Senile Old Man: [to the driver] Is this bus overcrowded? Are there seats?
Driver of Nearly Empty Bus: [answering first question] No.
Old Man: Aw, never mind, then.
[Senile Old Man shuffles away]

— Overheard by Zyzzy

---

Wednesday, March 21st, 2007

Why couldn’t his father just bring it to her?

86B Outbound. Late Afternoon:

Young Woman #1: [holding young boy] I took my son to be vaccinated today, but it ended up taking all day.
Young Woman #2: Really? Why’d it take the whole day?
Young Woman #1: I couldn’t remember how to spell his name, so I had to go back home to get his birth certificate.

---

Wednesday, March 21st, 2007

They’re just here to steal the jobs from hard-working American pin-the-tail-on-the donkeys.

Maggie Murph Cafe, Hunt Library, CMU.
Two female college students with ditzy intonation are conversing and drinking
coffee:

Student #1: I, like, totally hate the concept of piñatas. Like, “Um, here’s a little colored animal! Let’s beat it with a stick!” Like, “Here’s a little donkey with pizazz! Let’s knock the crap out of it!” You know?

Students #1 and #2: [excessive giggling]

— Overheard by ivan seismic

---

Tuesday, March 20th, 2007

Exceeds Daily Value for Homina Homina

61C Outbound, near Mercy Hospital, Soho.
A young woman stands, giving the whole bus a clear, sunlit view of her figure through her skirt:

Teen Boy: [to friend] Hey! Take a look at those nutritious facts!

— Overheard by Connor

---

• Currently Browsing

  • You are currently browsing the archives for the month March 2007

• Search:

• Sponsors:

End Ads-->

Overheard in Pittsburgh is powered by WordPress 2.0.5 and delivered to you in 4.153 seconds using 16 queries.
Theme: Connections Reloaded v1.5 by Ajay D'Souza. Derived from Connections. Header photo by Herbert Spencer, released under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0.