Overheard in Pittsburgh

Eat ‘N’ Park, Squirrel Hill:

Middle-Aged Woman #1: I spent the weekend moving my grandfather into assisted living.
Middle-Aged Woman #2: How old is he?
Middle-Aged Woman #1: He’s a hundred and one. He quit smoking two years ago for health reasons.

Shop ‘N’ Save, Imperial:

White Guy with Afro: D’ya mind buying me some iced tea? I gave up soda for Lent.
Girl: [holding two 12-packs of pop] Uh. Sure… You’re Catholic?
White Guy: [walks off, turns around and walks backwards for a bit] Yeah. Religion happens to the best of us. [remorsefully]

Campus Shuttle, University of Pittsburgh. Friday night.
The shuttle is full of loud, drunken college students:

Frat Boy: FACEBOOK ‘ER ‘N SHIT!

— Overheard by MLo

Principles of Economics Class, Doherty Lecture Hall, CMU.
Lottery numbers for all the students are listed on either side of the room, A to L on the left, M to Z on the right:

Student #1: [yells to student entering room] YO CORNBREAD! YOU’RE ON THE LEFT!!
Student #2: Wait. What are you talking about? His last name is Roberts.
Student #1: Oh right! I was thinking that his last name was Bread from calling him Cornbread.

Men’s Locker Room, YMCA, Downtown:

Businessman: Have a good workout.
Elderly Man: Yeah, I’ll go flap my arms like a chicken.
— Overheard by AlwaysReporting

Borders Eastside, East Liberty.

Woman: Do I need to buy things here, or can I use my library card?
Manager: Ohhhh… You’ll have to to buy anything you want to take out of the store.
Boyfriend: [points to a giant sign that says "Paperchase"] Yeah, can’t you read? That sign says “Purchase!”

— Overheard by C.

71A Inbound. 10 a.m.:

Loud Woman on Cell Phone: Oh, wait, it’s not Duquesne Light.
—Well, I can’t say it, but it’s spelled D-U-Q-U-E-S-N-E.
—Ohhh!

Crazy Mocha, Ellsworth, Shadyside:

Hipster Dude: I’m a para-legal in training; I can find anything!
[Begins to search for a phone number online.]

SportsWorks, Carnegie Science Center. North Shore. Tuesday Afternoon.
Two boys and two girls from a school group, all around seven years old, are sitting on a bench:

Boy #1: Eeeeeewwwwww!!! You have to sit next to two blondes!
Boy #2: So?
Boy #1: Blondes are disgusting!!

Bruegger’s Bagels, Moon Township A middle-aged Catholic lady approaches the bagel counter. The man in front of her in line is a priest, complete with Roman collar.

Lady: Do you have anything meatless?
Bagel Maker: You mean like bagels?

[The lady orders a breakfast sandwich.]

Lady: Wait… I don’t know if I want the egg. Are eggs OK for Lent?
Bagel Maker: I really don’t know. Probably?
Priest: Excuse me. It’s a matter of debate, but I think they’re fine.
Lady: Are you sure? How do you know?

— Overheard by Darwin Police