Archive for January 2007

Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007

Bill always regretted filling that baby bottle with marinara.

Carmike Maxi-Saver, West Mifflin.
A Father and
Daughter exit the cinema. The Father holds the door open for his wife and younger son while the Daughter reacts to news of dinner:
Chubby, Red-Haired Young Daughter: Oh! Pizza! I love pizza! I go like this: [mimes reaching out and scooping big clumps of pizza into her maw] Mmm! Pizza pizza pizza! Mmm! Pizza pizza pizza!
Uncomfortable Father: [looking around] OK, stop that.


Monday, January 22nd, 2007

No, it was to help the other Globetrotters fight crime.

William Penn Tavern, Shadyside.
Lynard Skynard plays on the jukebox:

White Guy: Play some “Freebird”!
Black Guy with Afro: Man, I didn’t pick my hair for 3 hours to hear this shit!

— Overheard by Frenchy


Monday, January 22nd, 2007

Wallowing in Sorrow?

Toy Department, Target, Waterfront:

Punk Girl: [to Emo Boy with Caucasian ‘Fro]: This smells like your job.


Friday, January 19th, 2007

He just doodles.

Statistics 800, Room 332, Cathedral of Learning.
A student walking to the front of the room trips over a wheelchair ramp:

Girl without a Soul: [Turns to the person next to her] I love it when people trip, don’t you?! Hahahaha.
Boy Next to Her: [Mumbles loud enough for a few others to hear] I wonder if God smites during Stats class.

— Overheard by JoelOneRowBack


Friday, January 19th, 2007

Warning: Chemical spills and radiation don’t give you super powers in real life.

Outside the University Center, CMU. 7 p.m.
Two CMU cops gesture at something far away on the football field:

CMU Cop #1: Y’ever seen one a’ them on fire?
CMU Cop #2: Yeah. Ya never forget ya first time.

— Overheard by beadnik.


Thursday, January 18th, 2007

“Yeah, but it was hard to go with the rest of the tour group standing around me.”

Market Square, Downtown:

Man #1: When we went to Alcatraz we sat on Al Capone’s toilet.
Man #2: Did it still work?

— Overheard by Keystone


Thursday, January 18th, 2007

Debbie realized she was afraid of living more than she was of dying.

Wal-Mart, North Fayette. 8:30 p.m.
A married couple in their late 20s contemplate a purchase:

Wife: Do you want to buy Snakes on a Plane?
Husband: I don’t know. Do you want to buy it?
Wife: Does it even matter?

— Overheard by Joe


Thursday, January 18th, 2007

Well, someone has to stand up to them.

Nick’s Imports, South Side
Two giggling High School Girls scamper around the store, trying on clothing:

High School Girl #1: No, we totally couldn’t do that. Can you imagine?
High School Girl #2: Yeah, that’d be like blasphemy: We come in wearing our leather boots and a hippie skirt. The vegans would come after us.

— Overheard by smurf


Wednesday, January 17th, 2007

Target employees are always so helpful and creative!

Target, Waterfront.
A
Female Customer is buying a hand-sized plush cushion:

Female Cashier: What is this?
Female Customer: A massager.
Female Cashier: You can just sit on this and have a good time!

 — Overheard by Sophie


Wednesday, January 17th, 2007

Dolores Kinsolving: Muslim Dietary Expert

Uni-Mart, Ellsworth Ave, Shadyside:

College Girl: Just these. [hands cashier a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos™] Apparently this is what Muslims eat at parties.
Female customer in line behind her: WHAT?
College Girl: Yeah, I knew there was a reason they invited me.