Archive for January 2nd, 2007

Daily Archive

Tue 2 Jan 2007

Chicks all look the same when you have to stay 500 feet away.

Posted by Chris Griswold under Attraction, Love & Sex, Drinking, Drunks & Bars
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Wilkins Ave, Shadyside. Late:

Drunk Guy: [yelling to two girls a block away] LIZ, WILL YOU MARRY ME? I LOVE YOU LIZ!
Girl: NEITHER OF US IS NAMED LIZ! WHO ARE YOU YELLING AT?
Drunk Guy: I’M SORRY, MISS! FROM FAR AWAY, YOU LOOK A LOT LIKE MY EX-GIRLFRIEND!

— Overheard by Connor

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Tue 2 Jan 2007

Absolut Sociopath

Posted by Chris Griswold under Animals, Beliefs, Credos & Theories, Crime, Drugs, Health: Physical & Mental, Marketing, Squirrel Hill, Violence
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Pharmacy Counter, Rite-Aid, Forbes/Murray, Squirrel Hill. 11 p.m.
A man is purchasing Claritin-D, which requires him to scan his license to make sure he’s not making methamphetamine:

40-Something Man: [Scans license] Now you know who I am.
Pharmacist: Well, you know the rules: Just need to make sure you’re just taking this for allergies and are not making bad stuff with it.
40-Something Man: Actually, I’m making enemas with it. For my CATS.
Pharmacist: Well… that’s interesting. What do you cut that with?
40-Something Man: Straight VODKA.
Pharmacist: Suit yourself. Here’s your receipt.

— Overheard by Christopher

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Tue 2 Jan 2007

You will spend four years desperately seeking male attention, dancing to White-Approved™ hip-hop, and intermittently attending class in your pajamas.

Posted by Chris Griswold under Beliefs, Credos & Theories, Food & Drink, Foreigners, Friends, Intelligence, Pitt, Social Divisions
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Sutherland Hall, Pitt Campus.
Three girls in skimpy clothes and heavy makeup finish their Chinese food:

Girl #1: OMG! I love fortune cookies!
Girl #2: I know, right?
Girl #1: I wonder how they get the fortune inside.
Girl #3: I have no clue.
Girl #2: Maybe they bake it inside.
Girl #1: Wouldn’t it catch on fire or something?
Girl #2: Yeah, they probably have some kind of tool to put it inside after they cook it; Chinese people are really smart like that.
Girl #3: [laughs] Maybe it’s Chinese magic.
Girl #1: That would so explain why my fortunes always come true.

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