Overheard in Pittsburgh

Lending Desk, Hillman Library, Pitt Campus:

College Chick: I’m gonna have a turkey sandwich and a glass of vodka.

— Overheard by TLB

Meyran Street, South Oakland. Around midnight on a Tuesday.
A Drunk Asshole sits on his porch couch, playing a guitar and singing loudly to the tune of James Blunt’s “Beautiful”:

Drunk Asshole: You’re beautiful, you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful, it’s true. I saw you walking across the street and I want to eat your ass.
Drunk College Girl in Miniskirt and Heels: [From across the street] Oh my god, you have such a good voice!
Drunk Asshole: Thanks.
College Girl: Seriously, that was reeealllly good.
Drunk Asshole: Hey. You wanna come over here? I’ll play some more.

College Girl crosses the street and sits with him on couch.

— Overheard by why do i live in South oakland?

Elevevator, Wean, CMU Campus.
Three guys enter the elevator on the first floor, followed by two girls on the second:

Girl #1: You hear what happened to Jessie? She went on a date Friday night!
Girl #2: No way! I hung out with her Saturday, and she didn’t say a word about it.
Girl #1: She told me that she wasn’t sure if it was a date or not. It was just this guy who was leading her pottery class.
Boy #1: Uh… is his name Mark?
Girl #1: Yeah! How did you find that out?
Boy #1: He’s my roommate. I didn’t know he was dating again!
Boy #2: Communication is important.

— Overheard by TheConnor

Outside Kiva Han, Craig Street, Oakland.
A Guy approaches a female friend sitting at a table outside and talks with her. After a while, he pulls out his cell phone:

Guy: I’m going to take your picture.
Girl: Why?
Guy: Because you look like Edna St. Vincent Millay.

We talk of taxes, and I call you friend;

Well, such you are, — but well enough we know

How thick about us root, how rankly grow

Those subtle weeds no man has need to tend,

That flourish through neglect, and soon must send

Perfume too sweet upon us and overthrow

Our steady senses; how such matters go

We are aware, and how such matters end.

Yet shall be told no meagre passion here;

With lovers such as we forevermore

Isolde drinks the draught, and Guinevere

Receives the Table’s ruin through her door,

Francesca, with the loud surf at her ear,

Lets fall the coloured book upon the floor.

— Edna St Vincent Millay

House Party, Forbes Ave, Oakland:

Drunk Guy #1: This roof is AMAZING! I love standing on it.
Drunk Guy #2: Are you standing on the roof, or is the roof standing on you?
Drunk Guy #1: What the fuck, man?! What the fuck.

Drunk Guy 1 falls over.

— Overheard by TheConnor

East Carson Street, Southside. Steelers Game Night.
A Drunk Guy, beer in hand, leans out of an SUV’s backseat window to hit on the only three women in the street not in Steelers jerseys:

Drunk Guy: HEYYY LADIES. I’m from Missouri.

71A Outbound, Craig Street, Oakland. Late at night.
A Middle-Aged Black Man has been ranting to his friends for a while about how young black men aren’t like him:

Middle-Aged Black Man: But I’m not like them: I’m cool. I’m so cool I got ice creams in my pockets. Yeah, Ice creams in my pockets, that’s how cool I am.

— Overheard by Ka-CHANG

Starbucks™, Liberty & Baum, Bloomfield.
A UPMC Shadyside Nurse with a list orders $30-worth of Frappuccinos™:

Nurse: …and I’ll have a large tai chi latte.

— Overheard by Wendy (the barista)

Eat ‘n’ Park, Waterfront. Late Friday Night.
A group of women who were probably really hot and popular in 1992 are talking:
Former Cheerleader: You should really go to her MySpace page. You’ll be like, “Is that Angela? It just looks like a stripper.”

59U Inbound, Squirrel Hill.
Two College Girls are carting their groceries back to their CMU dorm:

College Girl #1: I think as I get closer to turning 21 I get stupider by the day. I mean, I don’t have any common sense anymore.

College Girl #2 nods her head in agreement.

— Overheard by Pharout