Overheard in Pittsburgh

Housewares Section, Macy’s, South Hills Village Mall:

Woman #1: They’re going to Japan to teach English for a year.
Woman #2: Wow, really?
Woman #1: Yep.
Woman #2: Why are they doing that?
Woman #1: [totally serious] Well, they both really like anime…
Woman #2: Oh.

— Overheard by Kelly

Oakland Ave near Fuel and Fuddle, Oakland.
Three CMU Students are walking toward Fuel and Fuddle. Two Pitt students walk about 50 feet ahead of them:

CMU Student #1: Whoa; I’m pretty sure that Pitt student is totally drunk.
Pitt Student: [shouting] I am SO DRUNK!
CMU Student #2: That was AMAZING!
CMU Student #3: Do it again!

— Overheard by TheConnor

Riverfront Park by Carnegie Science Center, North Shore:

Girl: DON’T FALL INTO THE RIVER! YOU’LL GET HEPATITIS B!
Guy: I HAVE THAT!
Girl: I KNOW!

— Overheard by jaye

63B Outbound, in front of the US Steel Building, Downtown. Early evening.
A nearby cop is writing a ticket to a motorist:

Bus Driver: He’s from Ohio; double it!
Bus Passenger: Did you tell him to double it?
Bus Driver: Yeah, and if I knew he was from Cleveland, I’d have told him to triple it.

The Marketplace, Pitt Campus:

Girl: So for the past 19 years of my life I’ve been five-foot-three. I always thought I was five-foot-three, but today they tell me I’m five-foot-two!
Guy: Who told you that you were five-foot-two?
Girl: The people in my physical fitness class; they do all themeasurements—
Boy: Oh… I—
Girl: —five-foot-two! I can’t get over it: How the hell can I be five-foot-three one year and five-foot-two the next?! How?! How?! How?!
[Seriouly troubled, she continues to pursue the conversation.]

— Overheard by Joel and Zack, UPitt students

House Party, Forbes Ave, Oakland:

Drunk Girl: I don’t get your analogy, man. What happens when a car and a house make babies?
Drunk Guy: RVs, babe.
Drunk Girl: So those would be biracial people?
Drunk Guy: In my head, yeah.

— Overheard by TheConnor

Today is the first day of the second year of Overheard in Pittsburgh.

Thanks to everyone who has contributed so far, and thanks to my readers for sticking with me, particularly through the rationing of the past few months; it looks like Overheard in Pittsburgh is one more thing that wakes up in the City of Colleges when the academic year begins again. (Plus, I’ve been sleeping on couches for the past few months.)

Already, the amazing regular contributors like Rotzi, Pharout, TheConnor, McArdle, Zelda, Ka-CHANG, and many others have inundated me with loving anecdotes about drunk college students and the like, and so I can again increase the number of submissions to three or so a day. I have to warn you: For the next few weeks at least, you should be prepared to envision a lot of red plastic Dixie™ cups.

The long-promised prettification of the site will appear soon; I’ve decided to do forgo the help of someone who might know what they are doing and affix the site to the internet with nothing but cello tape, thumb tacks, and shame. Hopefully, you won’t be able to notice the tape and tacks.

Thanks again for sticking around; it’s about to stop being awesome and start being super-awesome again.

Stay Alert,
Chris

Outside St. Paul’s Cathedral, 5th Ave, Oakland:

Girl #1: Did you see the mayor’s funeral here a few days ago?
Girl #2: Yeah. They had horses.
Girl #1: I don’t get why they have funerals in churches. What if you got invited, but you were an atheist?
Girl #2: I don’t see the problem here.
Girl #1: Well, you know, it’d be all distracting when the atheist mourner walks in and starts melting and screaming ’cause he’s on holy ground and God doesn’t like him.
Girl #2: Like at the end of Wizard of Oz? I don’t think it works that way.

— Overheard by TheConnor

Packed 54C, Craig Street:

Elderly Black Lady #1: Buses are slow this week!
Elderly Black Lady #2: Mmm hmm.
Elderly Black Lady #1: And crowded!
Elderly Black Lady #2: Mmm hmm.
Elderly Black Lady #1: And everyone’s being so rude!
Elderly Black Lady #2: Mmm hmm.
Elderly Black Lady #1: Oh, I know why: The college students are back.
Elderly Black Lady #2: Mmm hmm.

— Overheard by Ka-CHANG

Carnegie Library, Bloomfield.
Two librarians are reading a book about circus elephants to a group of 3rd graders:

Librarian: [points at elephants on page] Can anyone tell me what the “Greatest Show on Earth” is?
Girl: Oprah.