Overheard in Pittsburgh

Tutoring Lab, Library, Art Institute:

Art Student/Tutor: Half the kids in this school are like Subway™ sandwiches: They’re either toasted or not, and most the time they’re toasted.

— Overheard by Rotzi

Crowded Inbound 61C, Forbes Ave, Oakland:

White Man: [to Woman sleeping across two seats] Can I sit here?
Black Woman: [unintelligible]
White Man: Can I sit there or not?
Black Woman: [gruff] Go ahead.
White Man: Could you please move over?
Black Woman: [without moving] I AM moved the FUCK over, ASSHOLE.

[Woman goes back to sleep. Man squeezes into the seat next to her.]

54C, Craig Street, Oakland:

Girl on cell phone: —I understand. No, I understand. I’m trying to talk to her, but I’m not on vampire time.

— Overheard by Ka-CHANG

Forbes & Craig, Oakland.
Two Thugs cross the street, wearing baggy football jerseys and shorts:

Thug: I’m-a get me a suit: THREE PIECE. Gonna get me ALL the bitches!

— Overheard by amy b.

Candy Aisle, Target, Waterfront:

Large Girl #1: But these aren’t Swedish Fish; they’re “Red Fish”.
Large Girl #2: Whatever.
Large Girl #1: That makes them different, right?

Crepes Parisienne, Craig St., Oakland:

College Student #1: Closed on Monday? What the fuck is this? Fucking French
people! Why aren’t they open on Monday?!
College Student #2: I guess they were “le tired”.

— Overheard by TheConnor

Crepes Parisienne, Shadyside. Saturday morning:

College Girl: Oh my God, this is like something Rachel Ray would make!

— Overheard by ornery librarian

Fifth and Craig, Oakland:

Female College Student on Cell: No, they can’t shut off my utilities!
—You don’t understand…
—I like having power!
—THAT ONLY HAPPENS TO WHITE TRASH!

— Overheard by Ka-CHANG

10:45 p.m. Screening of The Black Dahlia, AMC/Loews, Waterfront.
On the screen, Josh Hartnett and Hilary Swank engage in a hostile, square-jawed sex scene:

Forlorn Woman: [thinking aloud] I haaaate this movie…
[The audience erupts in knowing laughter.]

— Overheard by Sophie

Bell Street Station, West Busway, Carnegie:

Fat Guy to Friend: Well, shoo-fly pie is what I grew up with, so we’re definitely getting at least two: one for me, and one for me to share with you.

— Overheard by M. Davies