Archive for August 2006
Friday, August 11th, 2006
The wise man admits when he doesn’t know.
Southwest Airlines Flight, Pittsburgh to Chicago.
Airplane safety instructions are printed on the seatbacks in both English and Spanish:
Middle-Aged Pittsburgh Wife: [pointing to instructions] I wonder which word is “seat”? I mean, it says “seat” here [points to “Fasten Seat Belt While Seated”] and it says “seat” here [points to “Use Seat Bottom Cushion For Flotation”] but none of the Spanish words are the same.
Middle-Aged Pittsburgh Husband: That’s weird; maybe “su” means “seat”.
Middle-Aged Pittsburgh Wife: But then why doesn’t it say “su” over here? [points to “Use el Asiento Para Flotar”]
Middle-Aged Pittsburgh Husband: I bet they say totally different things in English and Spanish, but we’ll never know!
- Overheard by Think Different
1 Comment » - Tags: Uncategorized
Thursday, August 10th, 2006
Don’t ask to stop for hot dogs.
Schenley Plaza, Oakland.
A man who looks like Sigmund Freud walks with his three children. The the smallest, a 3-year-old boy, lags behind.
Sigmund Freud: What’s wrong?
Three-Year-Old Boy: I’m just… stressed.
Sigmund Freud: Let’s go get some ice cream and take some deep breaths.
- Overheard by amy b.
No Comments » - Tags: Uncategorized, Dumb Guys, Intelligence, Death, Regent Square
Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
…and that man was Billy Joel.
Roberto Clemente Bridge near Fort Duquesne Blvd before a Pirates game.
Drunk Middle-Aged Man: [to Street Musician with Keyboard] Hey, where’d you get that sound system?
Street Musician: You can borrow it from SPACE gallery on Liberty.
Drunk Middle-Aged Man: Really?
[…]
Drunk Middle-Aged Man: [to Bystander] Is there a keyboard store near SPACE?
Bystander: Uhh. . .not sure. Maybe.
[…]
Drunk Middle-Aged Man: Does that guy give lessons?
Bystander: Uhhh. . .maybe?
Drunk Middle-Aged Man: Are there piano teachers near SPACE?
Bystander: Maybe?
Drunk Middle-Aged Man: You ever heard of Michael Jackson?
Bystander: Yeah.
Drunk Middle-Aged Man: You know that song “Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough?”
Bystander: Yep.
Drunk Middle-Aged Man: [eyes widen, leans in, whispers] I can play that song.
Bystander: Really?
Drunk Middle-Aged Man: Yep. […] What’s your name?
Bystander: Lisa.
Drunk Middle-Aged Man: [offers hand and shakes] I’m [Drunk Guy]. I’m goin’ to SPACE right now.
[walks away.] You’ll be hearin’ about me!
No Comments » - Tags: Uncategorized
Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
To thine own self be true.
Meadow Run Natural Waterslides, Ohiopyle State Park. Hordes of teenagers are trying to impress each other on the slides. One group of boys slides and mashes into each other in the pool at the end. A Boy with Large Breasts gets out but looses his footing and falls back in:
Big Breast Boy: [girlishly] EEEK!!!
[Other boys shoot him looks of horror.]
Big Breast Boy: Eh, what do you expect? I’m a high-pitched fat kid.
- Overheard by Zelda
No Comments » - Tags: Uncategorized
Monday, August 7th, 2006
The entire dance floor suffered that night.
Women’s Bathroom, Tiki Lounge, Southside, 11 p.m.:
Tube Top with Highlights: I have so much GAS tonight!
Tube Top with Bracelets: Yeah?
Tube Top with Highlights: Tube Top with Highlights: Yeah, I ate a WHOLE BLOCK of cheese!
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Thursday, August 3rd, 2006
Even the little alligator on his shirt was embarrassed.
Giant Eagle Marketplace, Shadyside.
Preppie with Bluetooth Headset is waiting in line behind two other customers:
Cashier: Advantage Card™?
[Preppie on Bluetooth hands the Cashier his keys.]
Cashier: [referring to customer actually paying for groceries] No… his.
Preppie: Oh… sorry.
Preppie: [into headset:] Listen, I’m going to have to go; I’m at the grocery store.
6 Comments » - Tags: Uncategorized
Wednesday, August 2nd, 2006
The Conscientious Asshole
Outside Hemingway’s, Forbes Ave., South Oakland.
A cluster
Drunk Frat Guy #1: But I would give you a heads-up. I’ll be like, “Heads up!” - and then BOO YEAH! All over your face!
Drunk Frat Guy #2: Well, at least you’re gonna give me a heads-up.
Drunk Frat Guy #1: Oh, I wouldn’t want to ruin your day.
Drunk Frat Guy #2: No way!
Drunk Frat Guy #1: Yeah, I’ll just say, “I’m gonna ruin your day”. And then I’ll ruin your day.
- Overheard by M. Davies
2 Comments » - Tags: Uncategorized
Tuesday, August 1st, 2006
Surprisingly, a great pick-up line.
61C Inbound, Oakland:
Guy talking to girl in back of bus: I am not Stevie Wonder.