Know your customer.
Cherry Way & Smithfield, near Weiner World, Downtown:
Stan the Flahr Man: Beautyfull flahrs here, I got beautyfull roses. Buy your wife some flahrs.
Or your girlfriend. Or your mistress. Beautyfull flahrs.
- Overheard by Zelda
{ Monthly Archives }
August 2006
What, don’t you like late-night talks about what God is really like?
Carnegie Pulse Staff Meeting, CMU. First Day of Classes:
Junior: Hey, are there any freshmen in the room?
Senior: No, all our new reporters are sophomores and juniors.
Junior: OK, cool. I have an announcement- maybe even an article I could write. I am tired of these fucking freshmen.
- Overheard by TheConnor
“I’ll have the chipped chopped unagi.”
Habachi Table, Young Bin Kwan Restaurant Korean Restaurant, Bloomfield:
Yinzer #1: You think they got ice cream here?
Yinzer #2: What do you think this is, Isaly’s?
— Overheard by McArdle
Step One: Admit that you are powerless over shoelaces.
Starbucks, 6th & Penn Aves, Dahntahn. Morning:
Disheveled Man: Your shoes are untied.
Businessman: Oh, thank you.
Disheveled Man: [beaming] Don’t thank me; thank AA!
- Overheard by “Venti Skim Chai for Meegan.
Creeps on a Plane
Baggage Claim, Pittsburgh International Airport.
A thin woman with crutches passes, her daughter in tow:
College Kid #1: Wow… she was hot. And, like, she’s got crutches, so she can’t run away fast.
College Kid #2: She’s perfect for you then.
College Kid #1: And she’s skinny too.
College Kid #2: So she’d be like, Skim MILF?
College Kid #1: You bastard.
- Overheard by TheConnor
Few people reach their fourth Indian.
Inner City Perceptions, PCTV:
Brother John: I have seen West Indians, I have seen Out-West Indians, and I have seen Indians from India, but I’ve never seen a red man.
- Overheard by mumbling scrapwaver
It’s hard out here for an ice cream man.
Hot Dog Stand, Kennywood:
Little Girl: Can I call to complain about the ice cream man?
Mother: No…
Little Girl: He gave me a popsicle yesterday, and it was melting!
- Overheard by M.Davies
I find I’m often both.
Post office, Bouquet St., Oakland.
A Man’s voice erupts from behind the door to the manager’s office:
Man: For every hot girl out there, there’s a guy who wants to fuck her. But for every one of those guys, there’s a guy who won’t put up with her shit.
- Overheard by Doom Kitty
Francine really knew how to build a guy up and tear him down at the same time.
Dance Floor, Lava Lounge, Southside:
Blonde Chick to Jeans Guy: Well, my ex-boyfriend is smaller than you, and he could do it.
— Overheard by Wendy D.
She ain’t messin’ wit no broke niggaz
Women’s Restroom, Harp & Fiddle, the Strip:
Girl in Stall #1: Sleeping with Chris was the best thing I’ve done.
Girl in Stall #2: Yeah, I know. We have so much bling on.
Girl in Stall #1: Can you say “Bling-Bling”?
- Overheard by Sarah