Archive for July, 2006

Jitters, Shadyside:

Slim Woman: [leaning over the counter] Just a small one with skim milk.
Barista: How much do you weigh? 120? You don’t need skim.
Slim Woman: Okay, I’ll go with 2% —Wait, can I have a milkshake?

— Overheard by grammarnerd.

Ice Cream-Eating Contest for Bethel Presbyterian’s Youth Mission Trip fund.
Washington Crown Center Mall, Washington, PA:

Food Court Worker/Contestant #1: Good Luck.
Food Court Worker/Contestant #2: I don’t need luck. I’m a retard.

— Overheard by a happy marketing director

71C Outbound, Mid-Town. Mid-Day:

A 50-Something Black Woman in leopard-print spandex, Coke-bottle glasses,
and a fur coat: I told her da truth! It’d be different if I was lyin’, but I was tellin’ da truth! Y’ain’t supposed tuh wear no tube socks wit dress shoes, and y’ain’t supposed tuh put no GREASE ON A WIG! Someitmes… she wears…. a BRAAAAAAUGHHH!

Overheard by Cypriot K

Library, Castle Shannon.
A Cantankerous Older Woman complains to the patient librarian who has already checked her out:

Cantankerous Older Woman: When I was young, you could count on the seasons. It went Spring! Summer! Fall! Winter!
[sharp hand gestures accompany each season]
Just like that, every year, no question.
Not anymore.
And we never had any of the confusion like there is now: a cold day in May, a warm day in January. That just didn’t happen.
You just don’t know what to expect. Someone should do something about that.

Overheard by Jami

Hastings Street, Point Breeze:
A Rroad Worker leans on the bulldozer another is sitting in.

Road Worker 1: Oh man, is that Crystal Light?