Overheard in Pittsburgh

Elevator, Office Building, Downtown. Morning:

Business Cazh Woman #1: Do you know if their divorce is final yet?
Business Cazh Woman #2: It is.. I mean, I shouldn’t say that. I don’t actually know.
Business Cazh Woman #1: Did I tell you I saw them at the zoo? They are dysfunctional.
[...]
Business Cazh Woman #1: And she is crazy. I mean I know he’s not all there, but she is just crazy.
Business Cazh Woman #2: I know.
[...]
Business Cazh Woman #1: And she’s really not an attractive woman.
Business Cazh Woman #2: She’s got that skeletal face.
[The Women get off at their floor]
Business Cazh Woman #1: I mean, I don’t like to be mean to people, but…

Near the post office, Murray Avenue, Squirrel Hill:

Guy on Cell Phone: OK, I’m in hate with her.

Kids Kingdom, Pittsburgh Zoo, 86 degrees and humid.
A group of adults sit on benches while the kids run around:

Man: Man, the entire zoo needs to be inside, air-conditioned, and funk-free.

Lava Lounge, South Side. Karaoke night.

Drunk Man on Cell Phone at Urinal: I do miss you! I think about you all the time. I miss your strawberry sunny hair.

— Did you get that? I came up with that for you. When I wrote that, what I was talking about is… how you have red and blonde…

—Oh, you did? Oh.

Men’s Locker Room, Club Julian, McKnight Road.
Two older men get dressed after their showers:

Man #1: How old are you, anyway?
Man #2:74; you?
Man #1: 83.
Man #2: Well, I don’t think I’ll make it to your age.
Man #1: You don’t want to. All my friends are dead.

- Overheard by Bob

CVS, Smithfield St., Downtown. Lunchtime.
A Large Black Woman with a very large hairstyle is picking through the drink coolers and talking on her cellphone. A couple of Art Institute kids squeeze by to get to the snack aisle:

Large Black Woman: Yeah, my hair be testifyin’ today.
Art Institute Kid: [whispering loudly to a friend] Can I get a witness?

- Overheard by Blake

Giant Eagle Market District, Shadyside:

Little Boy: What are veggie dogs? We have to find the veggie dogs. What are veggie dogs…
Man: [finally answering his son] Nana doesn’t eat animals.
Little Boy: Does Nana eat chicken wings or veggie chicken wings? Does Nana eat ribs or veggie ribs?
[...]
Little Boy: Nana, are you buying veggie buns for the veggie dogs?
Middle-Aged Woman in Tie-Dye: No, just regular buns
Little Boy: [to Little Girl] I don’t want buns; I want donuts.
Little Girl: Ask your dad.
[Little Boy silently adds donuts to the cart. His father sees him and puts the donuts on a shelf the boy can't reach.]
Little Boy: Nana, can we get donuts? Theeeeeey are vegetarian.

Near the Roberto Clemente Bridge, Downtown. Before the Allstar Game.
A small group of anti-sweatshop protesters march toward the game when a group of anti-abortion protesters comes into view:

Sweatshop Protester #1: Look at them!
Sweatshop Protester #2: They’ll do anything for publicity!

- Overheard by Neutral Bystander

Overheard in Pittsburgh FunFact™: One of the unborn stars of the anti-abortion signs in named “Baby Malachai”! No autographs, please!

Major League Baseball All-Star Game, Left Field Rotunda, PNC Park.Top of the ninth, two outs, after the National League blows a one-run lead:

20-something in Andy Van Slyke Pirates jersey: If I’d known I’d be watching another Pirates game, I wouldn’t have paid so much for these tickets.

- Overheard by bwzimmerman

Mary Schenley Fountain,Oakland:

Bare-chested Black Man: My grandmother was Sicilian.
Redheaded White Woman: [bored] Yeah, mine, too.
Bare-chested Black Man: I was raised by the Gambinos.
Redheaded White Woman: [looking over at him sharply] Really?
[Bare-chested Black Man breaks into deep baritone aria.]