Overheard in Pittsburgh

The Atom feed’s back up.

61C Inbound:

Guy on Cell: Yeah, I’m headed down from McKeesport.
— [Suddenly very loud] MAAANNN, I DON’T WANNA GO TO THE NORTH SIDE! NIGGAS CRAAAZY OVER THERE!

Overheard in Pittsburgh Note: This slogan does not cover the North Shore, where white people safely spend money on sports and culture. While it’s essentially the same place; it’s important to know the difference when reporting on crime or cultural development. See: “Waterfront vs. Homestead.”

Eat `n’ Park Cash Register, Murray Ave, Squirrel Hill:

BP Uniform Guy: [Spreads his jacket like a cape] He’s all, “TELL ME
I’M A ROCKSTAR, TELL ME I’M A ROCKSTAR!” God, shut up, Bono.

Ellsworth and Negley, Shady Side.
A female driver stopped at a red light begins to pick her nose aggressively:

Pedestrian: GET IN THERE! HUNKER DOWN AND GET IT DONE! YEAH!

Fountain, Waterfront.
A 20-something guy is stealthily scooping change from the fountain, when a 30-something woman opens the door at Yokoso!:

Woman: YOU’RE STEALING ALL OUR WISHES! STOP! STOP! I SEE YOU! YOU’RE STEALING OUR WISHES!
[The guy runs away, and the woman goes back inside Yokoso!]

— Overheard by E Skee.

Inside a Car, Forbes & Shady, Squirrel Hill.
Many people are outside enjoying the evening, including an attractive 20-something couple having a conversation:

Girl in Car: [yelling out window] CHLAMYDIA! CHLAMYDIA!
[...]
Girl in Car: [to other passengers] I don’t know that girl.

— Overheard by Alyia

Little League Game, McGunnigle Field, Sheriden:
The aggressive home team is beating the befuddled visiting team 15-0

Home Team’s Third-Base Coach: [to runner on 2nd] THERE WAS LESS THAN TWO OUTS! THE PITCHER HAD THE BALL BUT WASN’T YET ON THE RUBBER! WHY
DIDN’T YOU KNOW YOU COULD RUN TO 3RD?!?
Visiting Team’s Coach: [from bench] Maybe because he’s nine years old
Home Team’s Coach: [to Visiting Coach] HE’S TEN!!!

Whispering Woods Subdivision, Moon Township.
A Delivery Driver pulls up to deliver a pizza, and after he delivers it to a family, some high school kids come to the door:

High School Kid #1: Hey, man, what the hell are you doing here?
[Driver ignores the kids as he's walking away.]
High School Kid #2: Come here, Fag.
[Driver continues to ignore them. High School Kid #2 pulls down his pants and moons the Driver]
Driver: [making a kissing sound] Nice ass pretty boy, call me some time.
[High School Kid #2 runs at the Driver. The Driver punches him in the face and jumps in his car and leaves]

— Overheard by Anthony

Flower Stand, Station Square.
A guy in his early 30s is buying roses for his girlfriend:

Flower Vendor: You know, it’s a good thing that you got lilac-colored roses.
Boyfriend: Why?
Flower Vendor: Because they’re the only ones that actually smell like roses.
Girlfriend: [smelling roses] Ooohh… I didn’t know roses didn’t smell like roses.

School Playground,19th & Sarah, South Side.
A group of kids is playing kickball, and Kid #1 tries to kick Kid #2 in the crotch:

Kid #2: [Screaming] MY BALLS ARE MADE OF STEEL!

— Overheard by Sloan