Archive for April 2006
Thursday, April 27th, 2006
Always Good Advice
City Grill, South Side:
Girl #1: What makes these burgers taste so fuckin’ good?
Girl #2: Uh, taste buds.
[…]
Girl #1: I didn’t know cows had taste buds.
Girl #2: Just finish your beer.
— Overheard by kez panel, southsider
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Wednesday, April 26th, 2006
I’d hand out tracts for that.
61C Outbound, Oakland.
A 20-something black man gets on with a 30-something black woman:
Man: And then he be tellin’ me to date white girls. I told him I ain’t gonna be datin’ no white girls. It’s against my religion.
Woman: Why don’t you turn yourself around and shut up and make that your religion?
— Overheard by Smokey
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Wednesday, April 26th, 2006
Or you’ll wind up a bartender in North Oakland.
Duke’s Bar, Millvale Ave., North Oakland:
Bartender: [speaking to a customer] Do not do LSD. Do not do LSD.
[His voice gets louder and is now speaking to the whole bar in the form of a PSA. Bar quiets to listen.]
Bartender: Don’t do LSD. But if you’re going to do LSD, don’t do it in Pittsburgh right now. Don’t do LSD in Pittsburgh right now or you’ll end up in the asylum like my brother.
[Bar returns to normal chatter.]
— Overheard by Jacko and Elsa
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Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
“But, Brian, you are so friendly!”
Eat `n’ Park, Murray Ave, Squirrel Hill.
A guy in a BP Uniform and his female friend resume talking when an effeminate waiter leaves after taking their order:
BP Uniform Guy: [sighing] I wish I was gay. Then I could be friendly.
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Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
The Quakers were all up in that, yo*
61D Outbound, Margaret Morrison St., Oakland.
Four CMU Students get on, all dressed in grunge-wear, circa 1994:
CMU Guy #1: I want to get a pet skunk.
CMU Girl: A pet skunk? Wouldn’t you have to get it declawed?
CMU Guy #1: I don’t think it’s standard operating procedure to have a skunk declawed.
CMU Guy #2: Dude, I don’t think it’s standard operating procedure to OWN a skunk.
CMU Guy #1: [serious] Dude, it’s totally LEGAL in Pennsylvania.
— Overheard by Random Bus Rider
* As opposed to drinking
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Friday, April 21st, 2006
Terry’s resolve was tested later that night at the bonfire.
Hallway, Tepper School of Business, CMU Campus:
Guy #1: Are you going to vote for Phil?
Guy #2: That son of a bitch? No way! If he was on fire I wouldn’t piss on him.
— Overheard by "yet another mike"
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Thursday, April 20th, 2006
CMU is so high-tech.
Office Kitchen, CMU Campus:
Steelers Sweats Chick: Hey hon, you don’ wanna use at fridge. You put your pop innat fridge an’ it’ll freeze!
[Steelers Sweats Chick brandishes frozen bottle of Coke]
— Overheard by Jennifer
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Thursday, April 20th, 2006
“He was singing karaoke in a rumpled suit.”
Pitt Shuttle, South Oakland:
Girl: So we ended up going to this random Greenfield bar. That one by Hollywood Video?
Guy: Oh, THAT one?
Girl: Yeah. We just wanted to randomly hit an old man bar. It was fun. The beer was cheap. We were, like, the youngest people there. Everyone else was just, like, Greenfield natives. There was this crazy Irish man. Oh! And this Japanese guy was sipping down screwdrivers.
[Girl laughs]
Guy: How did you know he was Japanese?
[…]
Girl: …because he LOOKED Japanese.
— Overheard by tia
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Wednesday, April 19th, 2006
Headshots make great coasters.
Near the Bus Stop, Fifth and Bigelow, Oakland:
Girl: You’re graduating this year, right?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: What’s your major?
Guy: I’m in theater.
Girl: What are you going to do with that?
Guy: I have no idea.
Girl: [laughing] Wait tables?
Guy: [melancholy] Yeah…
— Overheard by Donna
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Wednesday, April 19th, 2006
The Guilty Ones
Wendy’s, Moon Township:
Two employess, a Middle-Aged Black Woman, and a White High School Girl, are discussing Good Friday:
Middle-Aged Black Woman: … they don’t eat meat on Good Friday?
White High School Girl: No, it’s Catholics who won’t eat meat.
Middle-Aged Black Woman: I thought it was a Christian thing.
White High School Girl: Yeah, but I don’t know which ones.
— Overheard by sammer