Overheard in Pittsburgh

King of the Hill Beer Distributor, Hill District.
A small elderly black woman in a hot-pink turban is telling a clerk how to load six cases of beer into her Cadillac’s the trunk:

Old Lady: That’s the way; that’s the way. Don’t shake it. You shake it, everybody gets wet.

— Overheard by N

Pitt Bus Headed To Heinz Hall:

Ditzy Freshman 1, to another: All the bad kids from my school hang out in the lobby. They, like, used to burn down barns on weekends.
[Both laugh.]
Ditzy Freshman 2: Well, the bad kids from my school burned down playgrounds.

— Overheard by Amanda

Panera, Forbes Ave., Oakland:

Girl 1: What is that?
Girl 2: A chocolate mocha bagel.
Girl 1: They make those? That’s like three of my four favorite things combined into one entity.
Girl 2: What’s the fourth?
Girl 1: Puppies!

— Overheard by Banke

Exterior Ticket Booth, South Side Works Theater, South Side.

Indian Ticket Seller: —well, it’s about transsexuals.
Large Black Customer: Ohhh…fuck.

— Overheard by Feightner

Redeye Theater Project, Studio Theatre, Cathedral of Learning.
After several one-act plays featuring profanity and adult situations, characters in a scene begin to snort cocaine:

Woman Sitting in the Front Row: OK, that’s enough! Let’s go!

[She pulls three little boys to their feet and noisily ushers them out of the theater.]

Dee’s Café, South Side. 12:30 a.m.
Drunk Frat Boy has his head in his hands. A girl decked out in St. Patrick’s Day regalia sits next to him, rubbing his back:

Drunk Frat Boy: I don’t cry.
[weeps softly]
Drunk Frat Boy: [intensely] I don’t cry.

— Overheard by Tara

That’s #300, folks.Thanks.

Intro to Western Art Music, David Lawrence Hall, Pitt Campus.
A Guest Lecturer is speaking to an auditorium class so the music department can decide whether to hire her:

Guest Lecturer: How many of you have your textbooks?
[No one raises their hand.]
Guest Lecturer: [angry] You guys don’t bring your textbooks to class?! You ruined my whole lecture! At this point I was going to have you read through a poem in your books, but that’s not gonna happen.!

— Overheard by Sophie

Panera, Squirrel Hill:

Cell Phone Guy: “How old are you when you’re 16?” YOU’RE 16, IDIOT!

— Overheard by S. Wong and E. McConville

Student’s Apartment, Shadyside.
Some students are filming a movie:

Lead Actor: My entire life is a blooper reel! I lead a life of blooper-dom!

— Overheard by Caro