Overheard in Pittsburgh

Outside Dave & Andy’s, Atwood St, Oakland:

Pitt Kid on Cell Phone: I have a feeling Blockbuster is about to go out of business.
— Why? Because I just tried to rent a Chuck Norris movie at the one on Forbes and they didn’t have it. When Chuck Norris finds out that Blockbuster isn’t adequately stocking all 35 of his movies, he’s going to go to their corporate headquarters and roundhouse kick them out of business.

— Overheard by Ian McCullough      

Giant Eagle, Lawrenceville:

PA Announcement: We have an emergency in the parking lot. Does anyone speak Spanish?
[Outside, an ambulance is visible in the parking lot. A Tall Guy in line with his girlfriend volunteers, returning shortly.]
Girlfriend: Did you help?
Tall Guy: No, he speaks Russian. And he’s fine. I think he just slipped or something.

Kiva Han, on Craig Street:

Hipster Boy: What are those things called? [Touches her legwarmers lightly.]
Hipster Girl: “Legwarmers.”
Hipster Boy: Ohhh… Makes sense.

— Overheard by Dustin Barndt

Elevator, Lothrop Hall, Pitt Campus:

Jock: Twice I went over Tyler’s house over break, and both times I lit my cigarette off his stove. And both times I singed my eyebrows. Next time I go to Tyler’s house, I’m NOT lighting a cigarette from his stove.

— Overheard by Todd O.

* Through a telescope

Giant Eagle, Squirrel Hill.
A Scruffy, Middle-Aged Customer is trying to pay for his food with one half of a five-dollar bill:

Cashier: I’m sorry, but I can’t accept that bill. You’ll have to take it to a bank.
Scruffy Customer: Why?
Cashier: It just wouldn’t be fair for us to give that back to a different customer.
Scruffy Customer: Well, can you just count it as four dollars then?

— Overheard by Aimee

The Exchange, Downtown:

Clerk, answering phone: Exchange downtown, how can I help you?
Guy on Phone: Uh, are you guys downtown?
[…]
Clerk: Yes, we are.
Guy on Phone: What time do you guys close?
Clerk: We’re open `til 6.
Guy on Phone: Today?

— Overheard by The Eggman (The Clerk)

County Office Building, Men’s Bathroom, Valentine’s Day.
White Guy walks in and starts talking to a Black Guy already in the bathroom:

White Guy: So you ready for tonight?
Black Guy: What’s tonight?
White Guy: Valentine’s Day. You got something for your ladies? I hear that you have three ladies now.
Black Guy: Oh yeah, I got a bunch. At least three.
White Guy: Are you giving them flowers or candy?
Black Guy: Yeah, well, you know, I like to give my ladies some chocolate every night.

— Overheard by Ra.

Bus Stop, Carnegie Museum of Natural History, Day after Valentine’s Day.

Female College Student, on cell phone: Yeah, I talked to Kristen last night, and she was like, “Yeah, we’re going out to dinner,” and I was like, “Good for you!”

— Overheard by Stasia

Human Anatomy Class, Clapp Hall, Pitt Campus:

Professor: The great thing about doing chemistry in a biological system is you don’t have to worry about the temperature variable. If the temperature changes, you die! No chemistry! Very simple.

— Overheard by M. Davies

On the Cut, Carnegie Mellon Campus.
Two friends see each other just as a biting wind kicks up:

Guy 1: Aww yeah, this is Pittsburgh!
Guy 2: I knew I should have gone to Florida Tech.
Guy 1: [smiling] What? Actually… yeah.

— Overheard by K-CHANG