Overheard in Pittsburgh

Kings Family Restaurant, Waterworks. 2 a.m. Friday Night.
A large group of college-aged kids are sitting together in the worst Kings restaurant ever*:

Supercool: We were like, “Andy, you didn’t snort the whole line.” So he’s like, *unh* [shrugs and mimes snorting a line]. And he snorts the rest of the line.
[The table erupts with laughter.]
Supercool: Then he runs to the bathroom, and when he comes out, he has a Kleenex™, and there’s little bits of cinnamon in it.
And he says, “I can’t believe I just snorted all the cinnamon!”

* Overheard in Pittsburgh Rant: Seriously, though, I have eaten there several times late at night, and I usually split the hour it takes for my food to arrive between doing the waitress’ job for her and wondering how soon it will be until I get to be assaulted by the physically and verbally aggressive Cro-Mag yinzers in the smoking section. I implore you: Avoid this place after dark; it’s scarier than the Original Hot Dog Shoppe. You might get shot at the O, but at least your food’s hot. Thank you for your time.

Office Building, Fox Chapel.
Two Co-Workers are talking the potential of a product for sale to the military:

German Co-Worker: So, we’re not sure, but we think this product has great potential for those people out in the field.
American Co-Worker: Wait, weren’t you in the military?
German Co-Worker: Yeah, but I was in the German military. And it was a while ago. Back then, we were barely even allowed to carry guns or go abroad.
[American Co-Worker laughs.]
German Co-Worker: Yeah. And every time we were sent abroad, we had to get the Americans to come protect us with their guns.

— Overheard by Jen

Jefferson Regional Medical Center, Whitehall:

Man: Well, I guess they didn’t fire her after all.
Woman: And now she’s got underlings. Winged monkeys.
Man: That bothered me about Bruce Almighty.
Woman: What bothered you?
Man: If monkeys are going to fly out of your butt, I always pictured them as winged monkeys.
Woman: I guess I always pictured them as winged, too.

— Overheard by Rob

Dance Studio, Point Park University.
A beautiful blonde-hair-blue-eyed female dancer finishes showing a class how to do a complicated ballet dance number:

Flamboyant Male Dancer: GOD, just go back to CMU already!

— Overheard by Etzel

Women’s Restroom, Basement, Cathedral of Learning, Oakland.
A tired-looking mom is helping her young son wash his hands in the sink:

Little Boy, noticing the pad/tampon dispenser on the wall: Mommy, what are those?
Mom: Girl band-aids.

— Overheard by Vicki

84A, Oakland:

Small Child #1: Is this America?
Small Child #2: Do we celebrate Labor Day?!

— Overheard by Banke

51C Inbound, Carrick, Midnight.A Leathery-Faced Guy with a scorpion tattoo on his hand sits down across from a Very Old Man with a scrunched-up face, black hat, and cane:

50-Something Leather Face, drunk: Hey. Hey, sir. How old are ya?
[Leather Face leans forward and taps him on the knee.]
Old Man: 91.
Leather Face: 91! No shit! Damn! 91? Congratulations, man.
Old Man, nodding: Yep: 92 years old.
Leather Face: 92?! Wow! That’s amazing! Damn… 92.
[Leather Face reaches over to shake Old Man’s hand.]
Old Man, reluctantly shaking hands: 93 years old last week. Yep.
Leather Face: 93 YEARS OLD! SHIT!
[Slaps Old Man’s knee again.]
[Old Man, beginning to mutter, stands to get off the bus.]
Leather Face: Hey! KEEP IT UP, MAN!
[Old Man mutters.]
— Overheard by jen

61C Inbound, Squirrel Hill.
Two hearing-impaired people are arguing in sign language, both signers becoming more emphatic. Their signs larger and faster, Signer #1 accidentally hits another passenger:

Signer #2, using small, slow sign language: You don’t have to shout. I’m not blind.

— “Overheard” by Rob

Deli, Squirrel Hill.
A Very Pregnant Woman is ordering sour, salty, and/or fishy foods:

Deli Clerk: Looks like someone’s having a baby soon!
Very Pregnant Woman: [Rubbing her belly, somewhat sadly] Hopefully…
Deli Clerk: [Reaching for pasta salad, oblivious] Boy, you sure are getting big! Ouch!

— Overheard by No-Girl

Bado’s Pizza, Mt. Lebanon.
Five minutes after telling an excited four-year-old there no crayons were available for the kids’ menu, causing the Girl to cry, the Waitress returns to address the family. The Little Girl has forgotten the incident, and everyone appears to be happy:

Waitress: Sorry about the crayons. We have chalk. It’s pretty colorful; it might work.
[Tears well up in Little Girl’s eyes.]

— Overheard by Darrin