61C Outbound, 12 a.m., Friday Night.
The bus is full of drunk college students from the “crappy Ophelia party” in Oakland.

1. A Drunk Guy is sitting in a girl’s lap:

Drunk Guy 1: If I’m gonna fart, I’ll let you know.

2. Two Drunk Guys are talking about the party they’re heading to in Squirrel Hill:

Drunk Guy 2: I know this place really well. I know all the good places. I even know the best places for girls to pee. You know, `cause girls need complicated places and stuff. But I guess it sounds weird to say that, so I guess I won’t say that at the party.
Drunk Guy 3: Ha ha! Yeah, I guess guys have it easier. They can just pee on a wall or something.
Drunk Guy 2: I always try to pee my name but it never works `cause the “E” always dribbles in, ya know?
Drunk Guy 3: Yeah: Shit happens.

— Submitted by Funky Dung