Archive for December 2005
Friday, December 23rd, 2005
Everyone Wins with Beer and Snow*
Grille on Seventh, Downtown.
About 10 patrons cheer on the televised Steelers while snow falls heavily outside.
Big Guy in a Roethlisberger Jersey, suddenly yelling: Look how huge the snowflakes are! I think they’re beautiful, and the rest of you suck!
— Submitted by L C. Yeiser
* That’s what makes Pittsburgh a great place to spend the winter.
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Thursday, December 22nd, 2005
Finals are a tough time for some people.
ColdStone Creamery, Squirrel Hill.
Two sweat-panted sorority girls are buying ice cream:
Pink Coat Sorority Girl: [to ice cream guy] Oh, and hers too.
Blue Hoodie Sorority Girl: Aw, thank you!
Pink Coat: Hey, who took me to the emergency room?
[Blue Hoodie laughs nervously.]
Pink Coat: Seriously: thanks. If you ever need anything…
Blue Hoodie: Maybe I’ll just stab my hand in class today.
[Pink Coat laughs]
Blue Hoodie: I just hate it. I want to jump out a window or something.
[Pause]
Pink Coat: Is it in a high place? I mean would you sustain any damage?
Blue Hoodie: Third floor of the Cathedral
Pink Coat: Oh, well, there you go.
Blue Hoodie: I’d probably only break my neck or something.
Pink Coat: And be wildly unhappy the rest of your life.
[Both girls start giggling.]
— Submitted by Feightner
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Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
When flight attendants get fed up, they take drastic action
Pittsburgh International Airport, US Air baggage claim.
Three preteen blonde girls had been very distressed about flying during the course of their flight. They met the one girl’s mother in baggage claim, which was crowded as several flights came in, but relatively quiet:
Girl, very loudly to mother: I got drunk off a piña colada!
— Submitted by Bob
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Tuesday, December 20th, 2005
King Kong: There is something for everyone!
King Kong Screening, Loew’s at the Waterfront.
A gentle triceratops appears onscreen, after many minutes of scary, carnivorous dinosaurs:
Girl 1: I don’t eat people.
Girl 2: [In a silly but melancholy voice] Just plants for me…
— Submitted by Rock&Roll Autograph
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Monday, December 19th, 2005
Hey! Yellow bananas!
The Marketplace dining hall, Pitt campus. Sunday brunch:
Brunch Guy 1: Hey! Circular ham!
Brunch Guy 2: Yeah, they breed it that way.
— Submitted by Kelly
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Thursday, December 15th, 2005
A Preview of Y Tu Mama Tambien 2: Electric Boogaloo
59U towards Oakland:
Urban White Trash Dude 1: Yeah, it was job or jail for me. What was it for you?
Urban White Trash Dude 2: My dad was like, “job or jail.”
[Laughter]
UWT Dude 2: [to woman they have cornered] Whatchu readin’?
Plump Woman with Glasses and Unkempt Curly Blonde Hair: A book.
UWT Dude 1: Readin’ stuff? Like, school?
Woman: No, no. I don’t go to school. I used to work for ESPN.
UWT Dude 2: You hear that? She used to work for ESPN!
UWT Dude 1: You used to work for ESPN?
UWT Dude 2: ESPN, man!
UWT Dude 1: You used to work for ESPN?
Woman: Yeah.
UWT Dude 2: So you wanna go out with us?
Woman: No, I date women.
UWT Dude 1: You’re like, a lesbian?
Woman: No, I’m, like, bisexual. I date women.
UWT Dude 2: You have a date tonight?
Woman: Yeah, tonight I’m going to see stockings and black bra.
UWT Dude 1: Hot.
[Laughter]
Woman: You should see her. Great ass. I’m gonna go to the bar first and get cigarettes.
UWT Dude 2: Can we, like, come with you?
Woman: Yeah, okay.
— Submitted by Erica B. Dorfman
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Wednesday, December 14th, 2005
I know the feeling. I saw “Cheaper by the Dozen 2″
Earth Theater, Carnegie Museum of Natural History.
The show Earth’s Wild Ride is playing to a group of third graders. The film takes its viewers through an ancient cave:
Nine-Year-Old Boy, shouting: This is scary! I feel like I’m gonna die!
— Submitted by Meis
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Tuesday, December 13th, 2005
Overheard in Pittsburgh Frappr Map
Come add yourself to the Overheard in Pittsburgh Frappr Map! Show us where you are reading from!
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Tuesday, December 13th, 2005
Now at Bruegger’s! Try the new Bagelgasm™!
Bruegger’s Bagels, Murray Avenue, Squirrel Hill:
Customer: ‘Scuse me, sorry to interrupt — sir, just wanted to tell you that was an excellent sandwich. One of the best sandwiches I’ve ever had. It’s my first time here … anyway, have a great weekend.
Bagel Employee: Guess you always remember your first time.
— Submitted by zig
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Friday, December 9th, 2005
Black eyes don’t grow on trees.
Ticket Lobby, Loew’s Waterfront Theater:
Ticket Selling Woman: Would you like to donate your change to domestic violence?
— Submitted by Ben