ColdStone Creamery, Squirrel Hill.
Two sweat-panted sorority girls are buying ice cream:

Pink Coat Sorority Girl: [to ice cream guy] Oh, and hers too.
Blue Hoodie Sorority Girl: Aw, thank you!
Pink Coat: Hey, who took me to the emergency room?
[Blue Hoodie laughs nervously.]
Pink Coat: Seriously: thanks. If you ever need anything…
Blue Hoodie: Maybe I’ll just stab my hand in class today.
[Pink Coat laughs]
Blue Hoodie: I just hate it. I want to jump out a window or something.
[Pause]
Pink Coat: Is it in a high place? I mean would you sustain any damage?
Blue Hoodie: Third floor of the Cathedral
Pink Coat: Oh, well, there you go.
Blue Hoodie: I’d probably only break my neck or something.
Pink Coat: And be wildly unhappy the rest of your life.
[Both girls start giggling.]

— Submitted by Feightner