Overheard in Pittsburgh

Mr. Smalls’ office, Millvale:

Businessman: And with that amount of money in cash, I’m going to need you to fill out a 1099 form.
Independent Contactor: A what?
Businessman: A 1099 form. For tax purposes.
Independent Contactor: [pale and nervous] No, no, I don’t do those.
Businessman: What do you mean you don’t do them? Are you in trouble with the government?
Independent Contactor: …No… Uh, well, that is, not yet…

— Overheard by Etzel

South Park Post Office:

Postal Worker 1: Well, at least I got rid of the Hannukah stamps yesterday.
Postal Worker 2: Someone asked for Hanukkah stamps?
Postal Worker 1: Nah, this lady wanted birthday stamps. I showed her the Hannukah stamps. I said, “How about these? They have candles on them.” And she bought them.

— Submitted by KGB

Outside a Lecture Hall, Chevron, Pitt Campus:

Loud Chick on Cell: They’re adopting him and they already have, like, four kids. It makes me want my parents to adopt someone because they only have two.
— We’re moving into a new house.
— No, he would have the guest bedroom.

— Submitted by Sophie

7-Eleven, Oakland:

Counter Guy: Hey, you’ve got all four food groups: salty, sweet … chewy … and drinky.

— Submitted by M. Davies

Gus Miller’s Newsstand, Oakland:

Counter Guy: Is this is all?
Customer: Yeah … and gimme one of those 99-dollar pretzels.

— Submitted by M. Davies

Biology Class, Clapp Hall, Pitt Campus:

Smart-Ass Student: Wait, can we go back to the baby example?
Biology Professor: Sure.
Smart-Ass Student: How are babies made?
Professor: What?
Smart-Ass Student: My dad tried to explain it to me, but he wasn’t much of a biologist.
Professor: [indicating Student's existence] He obviously was enough of one.

— Submitted by Sophie

Seminar class, Fourth Floor, WuhWuhPosvar Hall, Pitt Campus.
A screeching, elevator repair-related noise has been disrupting the class for about 10 minutes.

Forlorn Professor: This building is the Soviet Union.

— Submitted by Robin H

54C, West Oakland:

Bus Driver: We’re changing buses!
Man Waiting with New Bus: `d someone puke?
Bus Driver: Yeah, and then a few sympathetic ones did too.

— Submitted by Static Clang

Here’s a listing of the Top submitters to the site:

Robin H — 13
McArdle — 11
The Connor — 10
M. Davies — 6
Moose — 4
Bwzimmerman — 3
Ben — 3

Thanks again to all the submitters for helping Overheard in Pittsburgh come this far!

Stay Alert,
OIP

Fourth Floor, Hillman Library, Pitt Campus.
Roofers are carrying bags of debris into the hallway from the roof-access stairs. A female student, contributor Robin H, is photocopying an article out of Ms. Magazine:

Gruff roofer: [Appraising the female student] I should have stayed in school.
[The student, thinking he meant to avoid manual labor, looks up and smiles.]
Gruff roofer: [realizing Robin H heard him] Oh, I just meant — it’s not that I had to stay in school to be a roofer — and that’s what I love — but I what I mean is that you look very … well-studied.

— Submitted, of course, by the comely Robin H

Overheard in Pittsburgh is proud to announce that this is the 100th Overheard posted on this site. I want to thank everyone who has submitted so far, and we look forward to serving up even more slices of life in the future.