Overheard in Pittsburgh

Penguins Game, Mellon Arena.
A referee has been making calls against the Pens the whole game:

Pens Fan, to referee: I’ll eat your babies!

— Submitted by Elyse

Forbes Avenue, near Pamela’s Diner, Oakland.
Two well-dressed girls are walking down the streets in Oakland dressed up in nice
outfits.

Girl 1: Hey, how’s my hair?
Girl 2: It’s fine.
Girl 1: I don’t have a mullet?
Girl 2: No, it looks good.
Girl 1: [Clearly worried] Are you sure I don’t have a mullet?
Girl 2: No, no, you’ll be OK.

— Submitted by Nikkorizz

Forbes and Atwood bus stop.
A large woman in an all-fishnet outfit shouts to somebody at the other end of the crowd of waiting people:

Woman: Thank you! God bless you and your technology! And not all the paramedics and medical care. Shit.

— Submitted by M. Davies

Eat ‘n’ Park, Squirrel Hill, the midnight breakfast buffet:

Diner to Kid: Hey, Champ: Come here. Let me see your plate.

That’s a lot of sausage.

My friend here said he could eat more sausage than anyone, but now that I’ve seen your plate, I don’t think he’s right.

Turn it around and show him.

No, not the bacon, yeah, that’s the money.

— Submitted by yincrash

61A, between Duquesne and Oakland.
A pack of bright-eyed, dark-hearted Duquesne freshmen makes its way to a night of bad decisions:

Freshman Girl: …She’s, like, a slut-tease. She never sticks anything in her.
Freshman Boy: So she got gonorrhea through the mouth?

— Submitted by brian j. parker

Overheard in Pittsburgh FunFact™: Based on this logic, Emma on Degrassi: The Next Generation is a slut-tease as well, because she got the gon-gon in the back of her throat. Dat shit is nasty, yo.

Cut, Outside the University Center, Carnegie Mellon Campus:

Girl 1: …and then she got over her Lyme disease —
Girl 2: She had Lyme disease?
Girl 1: Yeah, over the summer. It sucked; I lost my drinking buddy.

— Submitted by ZPH    

Bagel Place, Squirrel Hill:

Woman with Daughter: …one of those “crumbs.”
Bagel Guy: “What are those crumbs?”
Woman: No: “One of those crumbs.” If I call it a crumb, it doesn’t count.

— Submitted by Taste Test 3000

Midnight, Outside Centre Plaza Apartments, Shadyside, 36°.
A girl is wearing a one-piece bathing suit with a tank top underneath, high heels, and a scarf. Another wears a white long-sleeve button-up shirt with a belt over it so that it barely covers her. She has high heels on as well, but no pants. Both girls have cups in their hands. They have been pretending they’re modeling:

Security Guard: What are you girls doing?
Drunk Girl: We’re celebrating Halloween!
Security Guard: But that was two weekends ago.
Drunk Girl: We know; we were out of town for Halloween, so we decided we’d try to celebrate it earlier. [pause] I mean later.

— Submitted by Elyse

Recreation Center, Peterson Events Center, Pitt Campus.
Two guys working out are talking to eachother and swearing very loudly:

Fitness Instructor, to class: Those guys are dropping f-bombs like there’s no tomorrow! [to the guys:] Shut your fucking mouths!

— Submitted by Pharout

Coffee Tree Roasters, Squirrel Hill:

Teen Boy: My friend got bored with his pogs and gave me over 3000 Israeli pogs.

— Submitted by M. Davies