Overheard in Pittsburgh

Ice Cream Place, evening, Squirrel Hill.
An ice cream scooper is talking on her cell phone, while her store is devoid of customers:

Scooper: Girl, I got fucked good last night!
— Guess.
— John!
— Like, I didn’t now he could do it that good!
— Mark was looking at me last night.
— He’s got a skinny little dick.
— I’m like, “Get that Tootsie Roll˜ dick away from me.”

— Submitted by Tantamount

Atwood Street, Oakland, Monday, 11:15 p.m.:

Drunk girl on porch: Man, how DID I end up naked this morning?

— Submitted by Ginger McCall (fightingdestiny)

71A, North Oakland.
An elaborately made-up woman with ghetto-fab nails is on her “cellephone”:

Woman: If you was a REAL MAN, you’d have some CHAMPAIGNE and GENERAL TSO’S CHICKEN waiting for me when I got home!

— Submitted by Bradley W. Zimmerman

Overheard in Pittsburgh would like to wish all of our readers a happy Thanksgiving weekend.

We’re taking the weekend off as well, so check back on Monday for new Overheards.

Try to get along with your families; they mean well — in most instances. Be sure to write down all the crazy stuff they say and send it in. And show your younger relatives this blog; they will think you are “so rad.”

Thanks,
Overheard in Pittsburgh

Overheard in Pittsburgh TrueFact™: There is not evidence to support the “First Thanksgiving” story with the pilgrims and the Native Americans having dinner together.

Overheard in Pittsburgh TrueFact™: Plymouth Rock is a disappointing little chunk of rock someone years ago supposed possibly could have been the Plymouth Rock that, over time, has been chipped away by vandals, eroded by nature and unceremoniously cemented back together. I’d show you a picture, but it might make you lose faith in USA #1! for the first time in your life.

Pitt Bookstore, Oakland:

Female Clerk 1: About using the highlighter too much, I finally had to talk to him. He writes notes to himself — and highlights them!
Female Clerk 2: Yeah, I never got into the whole highlighter craze.

— Submitted by M. Davies 

Bigelow Boulevard, Near the Soldiers and Sailors Memorial.
A man is on a cell phone, walking at a brisk pace:

Cell Phone Dude: He just said it over and over again… —said it over and over again … —said it over and over again… —said it over and over again! —SAID IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN! —Can you hear me?

— Submitted by McArdle

Toys ‘R’ Us, Cranberry Township.
Two kids whisper conspiratorially:

Seven-Year-Old: Guess what? You’re getting an iPod Mini for Christmas!
Eleven-Year-Old: Shut up. How would you know?
Seven-Year-Old: Mom and Dad. I keep an ear out.

— Submitted by Apostles03

Bagel Place, Squirrel Hill.
An Old Man is angrily beckoning his hard-of-hearing wife to the counter:

Old Man, to Counter Guy: JESUS CHRIST, SHE DOESN’T HAVE A FUCKING BRAIN IN HER HEAD!
[...]
[Abruptly Solemn:] She’s really losing it…

— Submitted by bwkeaton

Marc Broussard Show, Mr. Small’s Theatre, Millvale:

Guy: Hey, they’re selling CDs of tonight’s show to benefit Hurricane Katrina victims.
Girl: Oh, wow. That’s so cool. Go buy one and I’ll burn a copy off of you.

— Overheard by Etzel

Forbes Avenue, Squirrel Hill:

Old Woman: The animals have come for the circus today!
Passing Guy: …Yeah… isn’t it great?

— Submitted by SummerSpringWinterFall