Overheard in Pittsburgh

Organic Chemistry Class, Chevron Hall, Pitt Campus:

Bow-Tied Professor, struggling to align a projector : So it looks like our technicians “fixed” the projection system again. We’re going to have to live with it being slightly dimmer and farther to the right.
[...]
Kind of like the United States.

— Overheard by MichaelD

64A Outbound, Shady Avenue.
Driver starts barking and chittering like a squirrel out his side window:

Driver: I have to have fun with this job. If you can’t have fun doing your job, then don’t do it.

— Overheard by libcat

Morewood Avenue, Oakland:

Drama Major: All right, see you two around.
English Major #1: Have fun with your … Drama. Thing.
[Drama Major walks away.]
English Major #2: I know how you feel, man. Nouns are hard.
English Major #1: Shut up.

– Submitted by TheConnor

David Lawrence Hall, Pitt Campus, Oakland:

Film Professor, speaking about Jack Kerouac: Sometimes he’s describing what’s going on. Sometimes he goes on these meditative riffs.
[A red balloon appears from underneath a front-row chair, floats up to the ceiling and lands with an audible "bop."]
Professor, undistracted: Sometimes he goes totally off the tracks.

– Submitted by McArdle

Overheard in Pittsburgh FunFact!™: Jack Kerouac wrote and narrated the 1959 film Pull My Daisy, about — get this! — beatnik poets!

Overheard in Pittsburgh FunFact!™: Through an agreement Jack Kerouac reached with author J. D. Salinger, well-worn copies of Kerouac’s books have an exclusive placement in the back pocket of only every other Dreamy Misunderstood Teen Rebel.

Outside Red and Irene’s Bar, South Hills:

Girlfriend: Did you think I would never have noticed?
Drunk Boyfriend: It’s not what you think.
Drunk Friend of Boyfriend: Seriously, he’s telling the truth; He didn’t do anything with her.
Girlfriend: Listen, [Drunk Friend], your opinion is like your asshole: You got one, but I am not interested in hearing it.
Drunk Friend of Boyfriend: So what you’re saying is you’re changing your name to “Opinion?”
Girlfriend: Well, [Drunk Boyfriend] has already taken “Asshole,” so I guess yeah.

– Submitted by Lisa

Tom’s Diner, South Side:

Manager #1: Hey [Waitress], you know how to speak “blonde?” [Hostess] is on the phone, and she forgot how to get to work. Will you help her out?
Waitress: Hey [Manager # 2], you speak “asshole” don’t you? Will you tell [Manager #1] to shut the fuck up?!

– Submitted by Lisa

Overheard in Pittsburgh FunFact™: The Blonde and Asshole dialects are both becoming increasingly common in certain parts of the city.

Fifth Avenue, near St. Paul’s Cathedral, Oakland:

20-something Girl: So a couple weeks ago he got married to a nun.
20-something Guy: A nun? That would be a dull marriage. Talk about a dull sex life.
20-something Girl: Well, an ex-nun.
20-something Guy: Still, that’s just like asking for God to smite you with a bolt of lightning.

– Submitted by Olivia

Pierce Street, Shadyside:

Dude: So, Zach Braff and Hugh Laurie are presenting, and Hugh Laurie says something. Then Zach Braff says, “Oh, are we doing this with British accents?”
Chick: He didn’t know?
Dude: Have you ever seen the Emmys?

– Submitted by Uncle Joey Sleeps in the Alcove

Pittsburgh Literacy Council 5k Run, Highland Park:

Large Man, walking while staring at a Krispy Kreme™ donut: I don’t know what it is, but I’m sure it smell good!

– Submitted by McArdle

Slacker, South Side:

20-Something Guy: You’d wear a skirt with a plane crashing into the World Trade Center on it?
20-Something Girl: Yeah, if it makes my legs look good.

– Submitted by RoosterBooster