Overheard in Pittsburgh

Heinz Field Exit Ramp, North Side. After a loss to the Patriots:

Creamsicle* #1: I’m writing to Big Ben and Joey Porter tomorrow to tell them they’re a bunch of assholes.
Creamsicle #2: I know!

— Overheard by McArdle

* Overheard in Pittsburgh TrendWatch: Agent McArdle informs us that a “Creamsicle” is a “girl who is tanned to the point that her skin is orange, and bleached to the point that her hair is cream-colored.”

Don’t worry about being funny.

All I need is the Overheard; I add the headline myself. The headline’s the toughest part of the whole process, but you don’t have to worry about it.

Set the scene.

In addition to the dialogue, we want to convey the situation.

Be specific.

Where was it said? If it’s outside, which intersection? If it’s in a building, which department/office? If it’s a dorm, which floor? If it’s on a bus, which one, where is it?

Be descriptive.

What were the people wearing? Every little detail helps paint the picture. While some of your description might not make it to the site, it’s better to be verbose in your submission than to give too little. Some of the submitters can attest that I have checked back with them to make sure I get everything right.

Be accurate.

Try your best to get the dialogue as close to what was actually said as possible. It might be tough, but – again – try your best. While it may have been a real incident, the Overheard doesn’t work if it doesn’t feel true. Accuracy also means the submission examines the speakers and not your biases, so focus on what was said, rather than your reaction to it.

Don’t submit something you said.

Vanity submissions are really easy for me to spot: the way the dialogue is structured and the way the situation is described give it away pretty quickly. They feel more clever than true, and while there are lots of places for you to share anecdotes to prove your wit, Overheard in Pittsburgh is more concerned with little slices of reality bumping up against each other.

Let me know how you want to be credited.

Just because your e-mail address is in your name doesn’t mean your submission has to be. If you have a preference, let me know how to credit you, and if you want, I can come up with a name for you.

Finally, all submissions become the property of Chris Griswold and Overheard in Pittsburgh.

I look forward to reading everyone’s submissions, and I thank you in advance.

Remember, send your submissions to: overheardinpgh AT gmail DOT com.

Stay Alert,

Chris Griswold
Overheard in Pittsburgh

Schenley Quadrangle, Pitt Campus:

Smoking Woman, shouting across the Quad: Debbie, WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE?
Debbie, yelling back: I HAD TO COME BACK AND PICK UP SOME BIRTH CONTROL!!”

— Overheard by Louise Yeiser

Overheard in Pittsburgh FunFact™: Contrary to popular belief, rinsing out your LadyGear with warm Coca-Cola no longer prevents pregnancy. That was only true of New Coke, which was brought to its knees by the Mighty Catholic Church.

Overheard in Pittsburgh FunFact™: A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, reverent, and straight.