Overheard in Pittsburgh

Life in the Iron City

Archive for September 2005

Friday, September 30th, 2005

Define “Pleasant”

61B, Oakland:

JumpStart Chick #1: So she just ran up to me and hugged me, and she was like, “Oh my god! I haven’t seen you in so long!” And I was like “Um … I don’t like you.” And it was weird ’cause the guy who was with her, he seemed like a nice guy; he had a look on his face like he was saying, “I’m sorry.” So I was like, “I’m sorry too.”
She was warm, but it was still kind of creepy.
JumpStart Chick #2: Wait: She was warm?
JumpStart Chick #1: Yeah, I’ve been chilly ever since I’ve had this cold.
JumpStart Chick #2: Oh. Right…
[…]
JumpStart Chick #1: Do you think I’m pleasant? I think everyone should be pleasant.

— Overheard by M. Davies

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Friday, September 30th, 2005

Sometimes, the ones we love can’t hear what we really need.

Forbes / Shady, Squirrel Hill.
A small dog sits on a bench, wagging its tail next to a woman in her 50s:

Woman: STOP VIBRATING!
[Dog continues to wag.]
Woman: YOU HEARD ME!

— Overheard by M. Davies

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Friday, September 30th, 2005

He doesn’t believe everything he knows.

Packed 71A Outbound, Hill District. Rush Hour.
Following a rambling, misinformed political discussion:

Well-Dressed Pimp Daddy With a Walking Stick: You shouldn’t believe everything you read.
Dirty-Blonde Pony Tail Chick: You’re smart. How’d you get to know so much?
Pimp Daddy: I’m well-read.

— Overheard by Melanie

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Wednesday, September 28th, 2005

Revealed: The Secret World of Pop Culture Espionage

Outside Dave and Andy’s, Atwood Street, Oakland.
A group of drunken college guys stumble into two girls late Friday night:

Drunk Guy #1: Hey. Hey, you. Tell that girl to give Eddie Van Halen his jacket back.
College Chicks: What girl?
Drunk Guy #1: That girl over there.
[Drunk Guy #1 points at two girls across the street, neither of whom is wearing a jacket. College Chicks laugh it off, and as they are walking around the corner, they hear:]

Drunk Guy #1: HEY, I’M ONLY TELLING YOU ONE TIME: GIVE IT BACK!

— Overheard by Steph

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Wednesday, September 28th, 2005

Aren’t college freshmen precious?

Sidewalk outside the Hillman Library, University of Pittsburgh:

Female Student: Chelsea, where are we supposed to go?
Chelsea: I don’t know. It said something about meeting on the ground. I don’t know if that means, like, the Ground Floor, or, like … the ground out here.

— Overheard by whatpenumbras

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Tuesday, September 27th, 2005

It Only Takes One Person to Change the World

Heinz Field Exit Ramp, North Side. After a loss to the Patriots:

Creamsicle* #1: I’m writing to Big Ben and Joey Porter tomorrow to tell them they’re a bunch of assholes.
Creamsicle #2: I know!

— Overheard by McArdle

* Overheard in Pittsburgh TrendWatch: Agent McArdle informs us that a “Creamsicle” is a “girl who is tanned to the point that her skin is orange, and bleached to the point that her hair is cream-colored.”

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Tuesday, September 27th, 2005

Submission Guidelines

Don’t worry about being funny.

All I need is the Overheard; I add the headline myself. The headline’s the toughest part of the whole process, but you don’t have to worry about it.

Set the scene.

In addition to the dialogue, we want to convey the situation.

Be specific.

Where was it said? If it’s outside, which intersection? If it’s in a building, which department/office? If it’s a dorm, which floor? If it’s on a bus, which one, where is it?

Be descriptive.

What were the people wearing? Every little detail helps paint the picture. While some of your description might not make it to the site, it’s better to be verbose in your submission than to give too little. Some of the submitters can attest that I have checked back with them to make sure I get everything right.

Be accurate.

Try your best to get the dialogue as close to what was actually said as possible. It might be tough, but - again - try your best. While it may have been a real incident, the Overheard doesn’t work if it doesn’t feel true. Accuracy also means the submission examines the speakers and not your biases, so focus on what was said, rather than your reaction to it.

Don’t submit something you said.

Vanity submissions are really easy for me to spot: the way the dialogue is structured and the way the situation is described give it away pretty quickly. They feel more clever than true, and while there are lots of places for you to share anecdotes to prove your wit, Overheard in Pittsburgh is more concerned with little slices of reality bumping up against each other.

Let me know how you want to be credited.

Just because your e-mail address is in your name doesn’t mean your submission has to be. If you have a preference, let me know how to credit you, and if you want, I can come up with a name for you.

Finally, all submissions become the property of Chris Griswold and Overheard in Pittsburgh.

I look forward to reading everyone’s submissions, and I thank you in advance.

Remember, send your submissions to: overheardinpgh AT gmail DOT com.

Stay Alert,

Chris Griswold
Overheard in Pittsburgh

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Tuesday, September 27th, 2005

The Boy Scout Motto: Be Prepared

Schenley Quadrangle, Pitt Campus:

Smoking Woman, shouting across the Quad: Debbie, WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE?
Debbie, yelling back: I HAD TO COME BACK AND PICK UP SOME BIRTH CONTROL!!”

— Overheard by Louise Yeiser

Overheard in Pittsburgh FunFact™: Contrary to popular belief, rinsing out your LadyGear with warm Coca-Cola no longer prevents pregnancy. That was only true of New Coke, which was brought to its knees by the Mighty Catholic Church.

Overheard in Pittsburgh FunFact™: A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, reverent, and straight.

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Monday, September 26th, 2005

Low-Level Drama Presents: The Bagel

Dunkin Donuts, Downtown, 10 a.m.:

Scruffy Guy in a Steelers Shirt: There’s only one left, and someone might take it before I get in line!
[Manager ignores him.]
Scruffy Guy: Hey, buddy, there’s only one left, and someone might take it before I get in line!
Manager: Please stop. I can’t hear the other customers.
Scruffy Guy: OK, right. [To himself] There’s only one left, and someone might take it before I get in line!

— Overheard by Damage Funtrol

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Friday, September 23rd, 2005

…Once again proving the editors of Guiness haven’t lost their edge

Barnes & Noble, Smithfield Street, Downtown.
An old homeless man has been placidly perusing the just-released 2006 Guiness Book of World Records:

Old Homeless Dude, loudly: I wouldn’t think a drag queen could stay in sobriety for one billion seconds.
[Long Pause]
But I guess she could!

— Overheard by Ben

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