Voting Line, Gym, Central Catholic.
Two CMU students have just noticed Dan Marino’s retired jersey:

Student #1: I forgot Dan Marino was from Pittsburgh.
Student #2: Who’s Dan Marino?
Student #1: You know, the guy from the Ace Ventura Movie?
Student #2: I don’t remember him.
Student #1: Remember, the guy was jealous of Dan Marino so he stole a dolphin.

— Overheard by Kelly

Mexico Lindo, Squirrel Hill.
A young hipster couple is leaving after getting change for the parking meter.

Hipster Chick: [incredulously] Did you see? A menorah in a Mexican store!

— Overheard by Lisa DiGioia-Nutini

Library, Carnegie Melon University:

Guy: Do you know how tight these pants are? It’s like a boa constrictor on my crotch.

Gym, Shaler:

Guy #1: Hey, I just got this subliminal tape that will help me to stop procrastinating.
Guy #2: Oh yeah? How’s it working?
Guy #1: I don’t know, I haven’t tried it yet.

Near convention center, Fort Duquesne Blvd., Downtown.
Two women are walking with a group of kids:

Girl: Look! People riding bicycles! Why are they riding bicycles?
Woman: Because it’s fuel efficient.

Subway, East Liberty.
A young woman holding her baby is  talking to an older family member:

Young Woman: I hit that bitch so hard, she had to call 9-1-9!

Spluummphhh: Squirrel falling out of a 25-foot tree onto Greenfield Road in Schenley at 7 in the morning. Squirrel appeared uninjured and proceeded to scurry out of the road and onto a hillside.

— Reported filed by Officer Morning Runner

Office Building, Downtown:
Man: What was (his) secretary’s name? You remember: real pretty girl, dark hair? She pulled him out when his tie got caught in the shredder.
— Overheard by Stephanie

North Side, Mexican War Streets. Wednesday Morning.
A young woman is walking down a quiet residential street, raging on her cell phone:

Woman: She COY! And that fuckin shit’s TIII-RRRRRED!

 — Overheard by VertigoXpress

Entrance, Target, Harmarville

Male Security Guard: [fluttering eyelashes at other male security guard] My mama says I have pretty eyelashes!

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